I just wanted to share a short story with you about what happened last night at small group. We watched a video about putting our trust in God and that was our number one job as Christians. At the end of the video, he asked, "who or what do you put your trust in above God?"
Afterward, we were all asked what we came up with. For me, it was money. And I explained that we worked so hard to have a couple fundraisers and pay off our debt to have a baby. I spoke about using that money and then we need it in the future and we're back at square one. The topic, obviously, came around to the embryo adoption we have with you and my friend asked me if I'm afraid of using all our money for this, and it not working. Yes was my answer. Jesse reassured me that if it came to that, we would be in a much better place financially and it wouldn't be as big as a hit.
Then my friend spoke up and shared that he was thinking about me yesterday. He was amazed that me, here in Michigan, and you, there in XXXX, by some circumstance were united. He spoke of how he knows it's not a coincidence and that God had some hand in this. He said that although we don't know if going through with all of this will bear the fruit we are praying it will, there is some reason that God is doing this.
That helped. Although I know with all my being if I don't go through with this, I will always wonder what if, it is a scary thing. There are so many variables and what ifs and uncertainty, but I'm so excited to give it a try. I'm not going to lie to you, the wait feels like forever. We started "trying" in April of 2004. I threw away the birth control and thought we'd be parents in no time. Obviously, that was not our path. The path, although painful at times, has brought Jesse and I so close I know there is NOTHING that we can't do together. I also know that if we were given the baby when we first wanted, our lives would not be where they are. So, in a weird way, I am thankful for all we have gone through. Saying that, it doesn't make the pain that sometimes sneaks up any easier. I have the strongest desire in the world to be a mom. Sometimes I let that get the best of me. But I just wanted to share with you what happened yesterday, as well as some things that are on my heart!
I am so eager to see where this relationship and journey takes us. Words do not seem enough when I think about the potential gift you will give us, if everything works out. I just wanted you to know what's on my heart today!
2 comments:
When you hold your precious baby in your arms you will look back and say that it was absolutely worth it! Praying for you!
Such a great post! I agree that sometimes it is very hard to put all your faith in God, especially when we want our own plan to work so badly. It has been my experience that He knows what we need best, even when we don't realize it right away, and the end result will be perfect. GL!!!
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