Nov 30, 2010

Okay Girls...I Need Some SPERM help!

What a funny title is that?  :)  Seriously though, I need some help.  I'm trying to google it and I'm getting frustrated because all I'm getting is medical jargon.  I just want someone to help explain it in everyday language.  I just emailed our RE, but I don't think I can wait.  (And Jesse says I need to work on my patience?!  HMPH!)

Okay, so Jesse went and got a new SA for giggles.  It went from having amorphous and tapered forms to having pinheads, bent heads and amorphous forms.  I know these are not good, but does anyone know what the heck they mean?!  Any help would be GREATLY appreciated!

I'll share what I find out from the doctor...

Thanks gals!

Nov 28, 2010

Don't Forget to Remember

 That was the theme of church today.  Don't forget to remember.  It was such a nice service.  The first few minutes or so they had clips of sounds, birds chirping, waves, eggs frying, roller coasters, and the church organ.  During this time, you were supposed to remember and reflect on whatever came to mind.  For me it was many memories from my childhood.  I thought back to the summers spent at the lake by my grandparents.  The joys of summer and my innocence of just wanting to play and swim.  Family reunions at the campgrounds.  Remembering all the joy that weekend brought to me each and every year with my cousins who were the coolest people I know!  Fourth of July at the lake again.  Watching the fireworks, sparklers and just being with my family.  Thanksgiving and Christmas mornings, when mom would make scrambled eggs and bacon.  We would get up and watch the parades as breakfast was cooking.  Some other memories were family vacations to Cedar Point, Disney World, and Six Flags.  The church organ reminded me of my grandparents church.  It is so old and beautiful; ceilings painted, stained glass windows, candles...The last memory was of my wedding day.  All the joy I felt that day.  All the excitement of our lives to be.  All the wonder of how many children we'd have, who they'd look like and just being overjoyed for marrying the man who is my soul mate!

Then we had time to reflect on what we were thankful for.  This part was a little harder for me.  I mean, I thought of the obvious things.  I'm thankful for my family, my friends, my job, my house, our dogs...  But then I really started thinking.  What am I thankful for and the funny thing was I started thinking of things I NEVER thought I'd be thankful for.  I am thankful for Jesse's horrible job that he had prior to owning the pizzeria.  Oh how I hated that job!  Owning a restaurant/bar and being the only sensible partner with work ethic, Jesse was never home!  He never was around.  I think back to the first few years we were married and if you wouldn't have known I was married, you never would've guessed it.  I was at everything ALONE!  Because of that horrible job, we are both able to see the value in everything we do together.  And I know in my heart that had he stayed in that job, we wouldn't be where we are today.  I highly doubt we'd even still be married. 

From there I thought of our difficulty in trying to have a baby.  Had God have granted this wish when we thought we were ready, I don't think Jesse would've left the job above and I know we, for sure, wouldn't be on this walk of faith we are now. 

It has been through these difficult times that God made himself evident in our lives.  Had we received everything we prayed for and wished for, we would've taken God and all our blessings for granted.  I'm not saying we wouldn't have believed in God.  We went to church, but through all these difficulties, things changed.

I began to question God and for a LONG time, I was angry at God.  After all, we had done it all "right" according to God.  We didn't live together before we got married, we loved each other, we went to church...  So, I stopped going to church.  For a LONG time!  I would yell and scream and say that there can't be a God, because how could he do this to us?!  Didn't he love us?!  Why wasn't he listening?! 

Little did I know, he does love us, he was listening, I just had to change my thoughts.  Through a chain of events that I tried my damnedest to control, God took the steering wheel and directed us to a group that would change our lives.  We went through a Dave Ramsey course with people that saved our finances, our lives and our marriage!  While meeting with these people week after week, they talked about the church they went to and about their views.  We decided to check it out.  We went to this church.  I had the feeling that this had to be it. 

Thank goodness we did, because that church and those people have changed our lives forever.  I never thought I'd be one of those people who would proclaim my love for God, but here I am.  I have heard this reference a few times in the past few weeks...A turtle on a fence post.  The only way the turtle got there was through the help of someone.  That turtle couldn't have clawed his way to the top, someone had to have put him there.  That's how I feel about our lives right now.  There's no way we would be where we are today without the help of others.  Chris, Adelaide, Stacie, Greg, Kristi, Sean, Julianne and Patrick, I am so thankful God brought us to you when he did.  We were lost, afraid and had no direction.  Now, a little less than 2 years from the time we met, Jesse and I are not lost anymore.  We know who we are, we aren't afraid anymore, God is with us.  We know where we're going...Wherever God puts us!  Because the only reason we are where we are is because of God's gift.

All of this is a gift.  The good times, the bad times, all of it.  So instead of looking where we're not and what we're lacking, I plan to See the good God blesses us with, Stop to appreciate it and Say thanks for all that I have in my life.

Nov 27, 2010

Nov 24, 2010


So as I wake up on this day before Thanksgiving, I had one of the best dreams ever!  I had a dream that we were blessed with the miracle of twins!  I don't remember how it happened, but I was there holding my boy and girl in my arms.

That don't remembering part has me thinking as I type it.  Really, does it REALLY matter how my babies get to me?!  The longer we're traveling this journey, the more and more it really doesn't matter to me!  All I want is to be a Mommy.  Have my baby(ies) here with us where they belong.  Until that day comes, I'll just pray and dream about them!  One day they will make it home!!  I will be one excited Mommy when that happens.

As weird as it sounds I am thankful for my infertility.  I hear so many friends that say that they don't appreciate their children and take their ability to have a family and be a Mommy for granted.  When I become a Mom, I will cherish EVERYTHING!  It will ALL be a gift...the good and the bad.  Without my infertility I would probably fall into the category with my friends.

I really have a lot to be thankful for.  We have such an amazing support system of family and friends, it truly humbles me.  The fundraiser was a success and a total BLAST!  I will post pictures later.  We are still amazed by the outpouring of love and support.  Our baby better be ready for all the love  he/she will experience when they finally come home!  There are MANY people waiting for him/her and will be pouring all their love.  Hurry home, little one, hurry home!!

Nov 21, 2010

Hurry! It Ends TODAY! and ICLW!

Jess over at A Greater Yes is hosting a giveaway that ends today!  She is giving away the book When The Cradle Is Empty by John and Syliva Van Regenmorter.   I have not read it, but I would be interested in reading it.  Go to her site and check it out!  Good luck!

Hi ICLW!  We have a busy day today.  We are hosting a fundraiser for our adoption.  We have recently become an official family in waiting and so...we are waiting for our family to start.  We spent 6 years dealing with infertility of low sperm count and saw many specialist from acupuncturists, to nutrition doctors, to many infertility specialists.  After finally deciding being a Mommy and Daddy meant more to us than being pregnant, we starting pursuing adoption.  Little did we know there was the miracle of embryo adoption.  We are currently pursuing both domestic infant adoption and embryo adoption until one path becomes more clear!  That's our story in a nutshell!  Welcome!


With our fundraiser today, I am really excited.  We had a lot of people surprise us with donations.  My aunt said she has a lot of people from her work who want to help us out with our adoption journey.  So, we decided to start a website for us.  Here is the link if you are able at all to help!

I'll post some pictures later from the outing.  It's going to be a great time!


Nov 8, 2010

Waiting, Waiting and Oh Yeah...MORE WAITING!

I do not do well with waiting and here we go...The waiting is in full swing!  I finished my profile book on
Saturday.  I can't do anything with the embryo until next week, at the earliest.  So it looks like it's just waiting for me!  I want to know if anyone has viewed our online page, I want to know how long it will take, I want to know when our darling baby will make it home!  All of these are out of my hands.  Guess we'll just Wait and See! 

Nov 2, 2010

So annoyed!

  So...I called the embryo lady today to set up our 3 way phone conference with me, Jesse and this embryo specialist.  Imagine my complete frustration when I call and get this message, "I will be out of the office from October 29th- November 15th!"  WHAT?!  Over 2 weeks this woman will be "away!"  

Do you think it ever crossed her mind when she sent the email to me on MONDAY, OCT. 25th to MAYBE mention that little bit of information?!  The best part is she called me back, but I was in a meeting all day and said that she is pretty open the week she gets back.  The week she gets back are my conferences.  UGH!  

I called her back and asked if there was any way we could schedule something while she is "away" and that had I known she was going to be away for so long, I would've tried to set something up faster.  Jess is crazy busy the week of Halloween and I was too.  I didn't think I'd have this to deal with.

After I talked to her I called Jesse hoping to find a little comfort.  NO SUCH LUCK!  When I called him expecting him to tell me, "Oh that stinks!" or "I'm sorry."  All I got was, "It is was it is Shell!"  Thanks for your sympathy.  I'm not too happy right now and I feel completely BUMMED!