GAME CHANGER...

You guys are so amazing and supportive, I cannot imagine what I'd do without all of your help.  There have been some new things to consider...I don't even know where to begin.  Last year when we were considering embryo adoption, a friend (I'm going to keep her identity secret for now), wrote to me expressing that after she completes her second IVF, she would like to donate her embryos to Jesse and me.  Obviously we didn't go through with anything last fall and I thought the offer was over.  How do you contact someone and say, "yeah, those embryos...are we still on?"  I just didn't feel right.  So, I didn't think more about it.

After my last post, she contacted me again!  Saying that another couple fell through and here she was hoping that we would take her embryos again now that we're considering going through with the process.  I was dumbfounded.  REALLY?!  US?!  Are you kidding?  Those were just a few of the thoughts that have rumbled around in my head after getting her email.

We have since emailed back a few times and tentatively discussed things.  She wants to wait until her second child is here and we completely understand that.  She lives in a different state and here are some weird coincidences...or are they God's gifts?  She lives about 2 hours away from my sister.  My sister's boyfriend just passed his bar exam and is a family law lawyer and can help us with the contract.  Jesse and I talked about going for our anniversary next month and now we're seriously considering going that way to meet our potential donor.

Things seem too good to be true.  This is EVERYTHING I've been wanting to happen.  Yesterday we went to the other side of the state for my godson's birthday.  On the way home I voiced my concerns and fears.  I voiced a whole range of what ifs... Jesse said he understands, but he's never felt more right about something.  We left the conversation with I am hopeful and want to move forward and I will continue to pursue this, but I'm afraid.

On my way to church this morning I prayed for discernment in our decision.  I want to know that this is God's will and not me trying to make my desires "God's will."  Then we go to church today.  Can you guess the topic?  Trusting God and not giving in to fear.  They did a whole "game" where they called a kid up to walk a homemade balance beam.  After the child walked across, they put up beaver traps, bear traps and 18 inch spikes along side the beam and asked the kid if they would want to go now?  Of course the kids said no.  Then the speaker asked, "if you were able to have your dad walk beside you, catch you if you stumbled and keep you from harm would you do it?"  Most of the kids answered yes.  They trust their dad that much that they would do it.  Obviously no one did this crazy stunt, but the visual made a huge impact.

It's just like our father in heaven.  God will hold our hand, walk with us through the hard times.  Just like you trust your dad to help you walk across the beam, you can trust God to walk you through the storm.  TRUST HIM!

Two verses they said that struck a chord with me were Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Isaiah 41:10 So do not fear, for I am with you, do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Jesse and I didn't sit by each other today because I was helping, but afterward he came up and said, "did you hear that?"  I immediately starting crying.  God spoke to me.  He told me not to fear.  He has this.  I just have to trust.  I do.  I will.  Here we go.  Are you guys up for the ride?  I am!!

They ended service with one of my favorite praise songs, here is the song with the lyrics.  Enjoy!