Jul 26, 2010

What a Relief!!

So....ALL OUR PAPERWORK IS IN!!! Wooop! Wooop!! :) Please say a prayer that everything was done correctly and it will all pass through the proper channels done completely and correctly.

It was such a great burden lifted from my shoulders when we dropped it all off on Thursday. I am just praying that my finger prints are okay this time around, and that my Social Security card arrives promptly!

Thanks for all your support on my last post. I hate when life beats you up like that, I haven't felt like that for a long time and I hope that I never feel that way again. I know that's not realistic though. We're human, life does drag us down, but it's not about that...It's about how you lift yourself back up. Luckily and thankfully, with the help of God, I was able to pick myself up and get back on my feet again! You guys are all the best and I don't know how anyone could get through IF without the support and care you have all shown me! I love you all!

Jul 19, 2010

Time Warp...AHHHHH!

So, I regressed. I suppose along everyone's infertility struggle, there are set backs and steps backward. Today was one of those days for me. I don't know where it came from, but it happened nonetheless.

I just found out today that a couple who was married shortly after Jesse and I and who also experienced infertility is pregnant. I should be happy that a fellow infertile couple is now on the other side, right?! You would hope so, but not so much! I called Jesse and said, "Are you busy? I'm upset...So and so are pregnant!" And then came the waterworks. I have not cried for this reason or about our situation like this in a LONG time. I was crying so hard that I was heaving for breaths. Jess asked me why I was so upset? Was it that they were pregnant? Was it because I think the husband is a low-life tool who I know has cheated on his wife?

The answer is all of the above. I hate to say that I was upset that she was pregnant but I am feeling very bad for myself. It seems like lately a lot of people have been achieving the desired dream. I feel like God is punishing me. Why can't he just bless us with a baby of our own? Why do we have to continue to go through all this pain?

The answer is I don't know...I don't know why, I don't know when this will end, I don't know if it will end. The only thing I do know is that after I hung up with Jesse and was majorly mad at him for just not letting me feel the way I was feeling. (He of course reminded me of all the positives that are going on and will continue to go on. He did express desire for me not to feel that way, as it seems I'm feeling like I did years ago.) I was mad at him and before I would have hung up and continued to wallow in my self-pity. However, the next step I took was not the same as the one I would've taken years ago. Instead, I went in the other room, sobbed some more and just wailed, "WHY?!" but when I was done, I grabbed my bible and began reading. I then prayed for this feeling to be taken away from me and I said I was sorry for the pity party I was throwing for myself.

I wish I could say the hurt is completely gone, I have faith it will, but I also have faith that God is preparing me and our little baby, wherever he/she may be for one heck of a journey.

I think it's okay to have set backs, if you didn't, you couldn't see how far you've come. I do sometimes wonder, and doubt when our dreams will come true, but then I turn that to look at my faith and belief that God hears our cries and is working on something far greater than I could ever imagine or know.

Jul 16, 2010

ARGH!!!! ($^*&!

So, I have been doing this training in Detroit this week and last. The company I'm working for is paying pretty good money and it has relieved a huge strain of where some of the money is going to come from for the adoption.

So, I went 3 Fridays ago to get my new Social Security card. I never received it and on Monday I stopped by the office to find out what is going on. Well, it turns out there was a "glitch" in the system and they NEVER SENT IT!! I'm still waiting for the new one to come. It SHOULD be at home waiting for me today, if not, guess who's getting a call from me on MOnday and let me tell you, I WON'T BE HAPPY!!!

To make matters worse, I did my fingerprints a few weeks back. You know how much I love checking things off my list and I was on a roll a few weeks ago. Well, I got a letter from the company saying that the FBI rejected my fingerprints. So guess what I'm doing today when I get home from my training...Yep, you guessed it, getting my fingerprints done again. I hope they accept them this time and I'll be good to go. So, please say a couple small prayers for me today:
1) My Social Security card is waiting for me in the mailbox today and
2) My new set of fingerprints are accepted by the FBI!!

Thanks guys!!!!

Jul 1, 2010

Interesting, VERY Interesting!

So, as you all know, I was a little discouraged with my boss. Yes, she did know all the drama that Jesse and I have been through and it really hurt. Well, now I have some info that may have led to her decision to pass the buck. On Monday, June 28th, we learned that she would no longer be our principal. She had been transferred to a junior high school. So, it looks like she had already known that info on Wednesday and that could be why she didn't want to take the 5 minutes to fill it out.

I was hoping for an email from her explaining this to me, but I think that's a long shot. So, as of today, I have a new boss. YEY! I've heard great things about him. I can't wait to meet him and I am hopeful this year is going to be GREAT!!!

As for paperwork...Jess is just about done with his questions, I have everything, done and copied. We are just waiting for our Social Security cards (I have NO idea where I put ours when we moved 6 years ago!) They said 10-14 days, and I went last Friday, so I'm hoping any day. After we get those in, I plan on dropping them off at the agency and getting started with the home study!! YIPPPEEE! :)

I think this is OUR summer...I can feel it! :)