Jun 27, 2010


So, I went on Wednesday to start dropping off our paperwork! I'm telling you, we had a pile that was beginning to stress the you know what out of me! The nice lady at Bethany told me to bring or send whatever was done! So, I drove over there, hoping get a star for all my paperwork. (And also fix anything that wasn't right!)

I was also stressing because my boss stopped going to work on Friday and I was nervous about them sending the paperwork she had to complete to school and then I'd have no way of getting them to or from her! So, I asked them if I could take the things she needed to fill out and I would drop them off personally to her. They thought this was an excellent idea...so did I!

I was leaving Bethany at 3 and I immediately called my boss to let her know that I would be stopping by and that I would just leave them for her in her mailbox. I did not want to inconvenience her and I didnt' just want to leave them there without telling her about them. She told me she would be there for about 20 more minutes, but she'd wait.

I drove like a bat out of hell, trying to make sure I wasn't a pain to her. When I finally get to school, her office door is shut. I didn't want to knock, so my secretary knocked on the door and dashed out! As my principal opened the door, I show her the paperwork. Mind you, I'm shaking uncontrollably. I thanked her for taking the time and then mentioned that I wasn't sure if she could answer my salary verification and told her Bethany would send another form to HR. (THe form needed her to write a paragraph with my date of hire, salary verification, evaulations, reviews and something else I can't remember). She took one look at the form and said, "HR should be able to answer all these questions. It's all in your file."

I didn't know if I should laugh or cry. I just stood there. She proceeded to tell me that she would inter-school mail it to HR the following day.

I am so upset and hurt! I could've dropped the damn paperwork off to HR. I thought my boss could take 5 minutes to type a letter and send it in for me. I didn't know it was too much! This isn't something I need to get a better teaching position or get a new house, this has to do with my LIFE and my family.

Jesse is usually Mr. Level-Head and tells me I'm overreacting, but let me tell you, he is just as pissed, if not MORE than me! I don't know what to do. Jesse wants me to email my boss and cc her boss! I'm just so hurt, I can't see straight!

Thanks Boss Lady for helping our dreams come true, it truly means the world!

Jun 22, 2010

Enjoy the VIEW?

So, I don't usually watch the VIEW, but since it's summer vacation... Well, I was at the gym finishing my cardio when they show started. They were commenting on Obama's prayer about the BP scandal and Janeane Garofalo said that the prayer was "anti-intellectual and just sort of a waste of time." I was appalled by this statement and couldn't pry myself away from the machine I was done working on.

Then Elisabeth became outraged and Joy continued to keep the the heat going by saying that people who pray have lost a sense of reality. Elisabeth called her a bigot and things got heated. Sherry tried to smooth it over by saying that people pray all the time for things and obviously PEOPLE have NO control over this damn gas leak, that in my opinion, has been going on for FAR too long!

I was appalled by the things I was hearing on this show today. It's "anti-intelligent" and I have LOST REALITY when I pray. I'm sorry, but that is the farthest thing from reality and really makes me sick!

I have to admit that there was a time in my life when I would only pray when I needed something or times were bad, but recently I have begun praying every morning for myself, loved ones and others. I have noticed a change in my perspective and my life. I am no longer that bitter, angry woman. (Maybe Ms. Garofalo could take some tips, she doesn't seem like the most "happy" person I've ever seen!)I know that being a Christian doesn't mean a life free from drama and heartache, but it DOES mean a life of knowing that God is walking beside you.

I'm sorry. Anyone who can go through something as hard as infertility, stay together AND still have a strong faith in God couldn't have gotten through the heart break without prayer. I feel if more people took the time to pray for themselves and others, this world would be a better place! I'm sorry, but I was completely disgusted by Joy Behar and Janeane Garofalo today. Really, who are the anti-intelligent ones? If praying and believing in God make you crazy, then lock me away and throw away the key...I'm certifiably crazy! Sorry, I couldn't let this one go. I'm off my soapbox now!

Jun 19, 2010

Call Me Old Fashioned...and so much more!

So this is my 100th post. I have been fretting the last few weeks about what to blog about. I was hoping to have some very inspirational, meaningful, wonderful post, but I don't think this is it! I apologize! I think this one is going to be more of a cornucopia of complaining, sprinkled with a little niceness. I'm sorry, there are just some things that I need to get off my chest!

Okay, I am fully aware it is 2010. The era of technology and trust me, I LOVE texting. It's so nice to text my teacher friends "Are we wearing jeans tomorrow?" or text as we are leaving for a party, "Need anything." But there are just some things that are not textable! Like, "How's the adoption going?" Really?! I don't even know what to respond to that? Maybe I'm being sensitive, or old fashioned but something like that is worthy of a phone call. I know I might be a little immature here and could've called back, but I am so annoyed by this. You're not texting, "How did the last day of school go?" or "How was the party?" You're texting about something that is VERY meaningful and important to me and, in my opinion, making it feel like it's just an every day thing. Here's an idea, pick up the phone, dial the number, wait for the ring and ask me when I answer! UGH!

Secondly, I am so sick of people who aren't willing to look at themselves and evaluate THEIR behavior. These people are always looking to others to say that there's something wrong with the other person or it's the other person's fault they did what they did. I cannot relate at all to this mentality. I am always self reflecting and evaluating if I handled situations in the best way. And if I do think I was inappropriate or may have handled the situation not in the best light, you better damn well believe I am calling myself out and apologizing. Some people are so eager to look at others instead of looking at them self! It's so annoying. Listen to the great Michael Jackson, Start with the "Man in the mirror" to "MAKE THAT CHANGE!" Seriously people, GROW UP!

Okay, my last part is my "sprinkled niceness." I was driving home on Thursday after a LONG day and I heard a song I have heard a bazillion times. It's Josh Wilson's "Before the Morning." Obviously I have NEVER really listened to the words before, because as I was driving home, I started crying uncontrollably. This song rings so true to the journey Jesse and I have been on with our infertility, considering of our options and finally deciding on adoption. I hope you enjoy this song as much as I do. Here are the lyrics and I'll try to find the song for you to enjoy! Thanks for listening!

Do you wonder why you have to
Feel the things that hurt you
If there’s a God who loves you where is He now

Maybe there are things you can’t see
And all those things are happening
To bring a better ending

Someday somehow you’ll see you’ll see

Would you dare would you dare to believe
That you still have a reason to sing
Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling
It can’t compare to the joy that’s coming
So hold on you gotta wait for the light
Press on and just fight the good fight
Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling
It’s just the dark before the morning

My friend you know how this all ends
You know where you’re going
You just don’t know how you’ll get there
So say a prayer

And hold on cause there’s good for those who love God
But life is not a snapshot
It might take a little time but you’ll see the bigger picture

Once you feel the weight of glory
All your pain will fade to memory

It’s just the hurt before the healing
Oh the pain that you’ve been feeling
It’s just the dark before the morning

Okay so in finding this video, I learned that this song was written because Josh Wilson's friends had a second child was born with a heart defect that was very grim. Hear about the story at www.beforethemorning.net The video is about 10 minutes long, but totally worth it! Get the tissues! I WILL NEVER GIVE UP, I know I will be fine, I have God on my side!!! God bless!

Jun 14, 2010

Apologize, Forgive, Move On

So something great happened to me yesterday...Here's a little back story.

Jesse and I worked at a restaurant we'll just call FH. I started working at FH when I was 16 years old. Shortly after I started working there, Rene started working there. She was a few years older than me and we really hit it off. For 5-6 years, she was like my big sister. She had a daughter Jordan that my family adored and they became almost like family.

I don't know what happened or what went wrong, but shortly before Jess and I got married, there was some drama that happened amongst us all. I wound up, basically, dis-owning her and didn't even invite her to my wedding. At the time, I remember I was so justified in doing what I did. (Now, I can't even remember what the dang fight was all about.)

For years, I put it out of my mind. That was the easier thing to do. I havent' seen or talked to her in at least 8 years. However, recently I found her through friend on good ol Fac.ebook. I wanted to friend her, but how weird would that be. So, every so often, I would stop by her page and just see what was going on in her life.

Well, yesterday, one of the girls that we worked with had a graduation party for her daughter. I knew Rene would be there, so I spent A LOT of time this past week praying for the meeting. I know God just kept nudging me to apologize. Of course, Jess had a golf outing and couldn't make it, so I was there alone. I didn't know what to expect. Would she hate me, would she yell at me, would she even acknowledge me? I had NO idea.

Thankfully when I got there other friends were around, so I said hi and gave everyone a hug. She was smiling and introduced me to Jordan (who is now 19 years old and going to be a sophomore in college. Talk about feeling OLD. She was 3 when I met her!!) Due to lack of seats around there and my nerves, I was literally SHAKING! I sat a table off to the side and caught up with some other friends I hadn't seen in awhile. After a short time, Rene came over and sat next to me. She patted my knee and told me I looked great. I instantly jumped at the chance, hugged her in a bear hug and just simply said, "I'm SORRY!"

Rene was in tears and said, "what even happened?" I simply replied, "I don't remember, I just know that in my heart I need to apologize. I was wrong and I hurt you and I am truly sorry." I began to cry during this time too. She said she was so happy and not being invited to my wedding was the thing in her life that hurt her the most. (OUCH! Dagger!) But I deserved it. She left a short time later, we exchanged numbers and are hopefully meeting next week for lunch to catch up!

I don't know what even happened, I honestly don't remember. But yesterday was one of the happiest days in my life. Thanks to God, I was able to put my pride aside, do what was entirely hard, but the right thing to do, and in turn, I hope I have my old friend back. What a day!!!

Jun 5, 2010


Hello!! Today was a very eventful day for me. I met with our RE again. I thought it was just a routine ultrasound to make sure my body was still doing what it's supposed to do...WRONG! DEAD WRONG!

My appointment was at 9am, so I just took the morning off. After I got there, I realized I maybe should have really paid attention to what this visit was to entail and took the whole day off. When I got into the room, she re-explained what the visit would entail and I just wanted to run from the room!!

This was my trial transfer. She went through the "process" as if we were doing the transfer so she could get some ultrasound pictures and verify that my body was in fact doing what it's supposed to, yada, yada, yada!

She told me that I would experience some uncomfortable times. Well, uncomfortable was not the correct wording. I came to school with this AWFUL bloating feeling and had to ward off kids from their hugs! Second graders are the perfect height to grip you right around your stomach area. The pain turned into this major feeling of bloating and I felt as if I had to take the biggest poo in my life! Thank goodness I had scheduled a massage at the chiropractor after school. So, she helped to alleviate some of the pain.

It's 2am right now (I fell asleep at 9 and now I'm WIDE awake!) and the pain has diminished a little. I still have some bloating and now it feels like I just need to toot. Hopefully overnight I will find some comfort.

Good news is, everything looked great. Utereus was looking fine, the entry to get in was no problem, other than the fact she told me my bladder was a little too full (I think I peed for 5 minutes after the ultrasound), she even said my ovaries are looking good! So, even though I'm having some stomach issues, I'm excited. We're off and running!

As for the adoption, we sent in the embryo paperwork. I talked with a lady from the agency though and she told me that although we are doing the embryo adoption, in order to get the home study arranged, we have to fill out the domestic paperwork. UGh! I wish I would've known that sooner. I'm not kidding, the domestic paperwork is about an inch thick, with a questionnaire for each Jesse and I to complete. The questionnaire is so in depth and makes you soulsearch a bit. I am just about finished with mine. Of course the two questions I'm stumped on are what are my strengths? And what strengths do you bring to your marriage? I'm hoping to have my questions done this weekend, so I can assist Jess in finishing up his.

So, as it stands, part of the paperwork is in. The other part is in the works. I am hoping to have it all complete by next weekend. I'll keep you posted!