Ugh! Just STOP TALKING!!

Okay, I have to vent a little here...I have a tough job.  I spend my days teaching 24 seven and eight year olds.  Yes, it is a stressful job, but at the end of the day, I LOVE MY JOB!  Honestly, I want to be a stay at home mom when our blessings come, but I don't know if I could ever do it?!

Saying that, I am sooooo sick of these stay at home moms who post all throughout the day how stressful their job is, how they need a vacation, how they would just like a break!  UGH!  Just STOP TALKING!!  Did you not know going into motherhood that it would be a stressful job?  At the same time, as much as I am sure it is stressful, shut up!  Seriously, shut up!  I understand everyone has a bad day and needs  to vent, but seriously there are some moms that I know who every freakin post they put on good ol fb has something to do with needing a vacation or wanting to enjoy a lunch without a kid in their lap.  UGH!

It annoys me so much.  How about instead of complaining about being able to do the most amazing job in the world, look at it as the blessing it truly is!  I would give anything to sit at the table with my baby in my lap and savor the moment.

These same women who are complaining all the time are popping out children as if they were a gumball machine.  Here's an idea, STOP!

I'm sorry if I offend anyone through this post, I know that there are some stressful days as being a stay at home mom.  I am talking about people in my life that literally every post I read has some type of negative tone as to being a mom.  I read them and I just want to jump through the computer and yell at them!  Do they know how horrible they sound? 

This post has been brewing for awhile, so I apologize if it comes off crabby.  This just irritates the daylights out of me.  Look at what you have as a blessing, not as a "job" or a negative thing because there are people out there that would do that "job" for no pay and savor EVERY moment!  I'm just saying....

Good New? Bad News? I Can't Decide...

Last weekend we were out with my parents and my mom asked me if we were notified when someone viewed our profile book or website.  I didn't know the answer and tried to put it out of my mind, but by Thursday I couldn't take it any longer.  I had to know!   So I emailed Dawn our adoption worker.  She called and left a message that she was actually going to give Jesse and I a call for our quarterly update.

I got a hold of her on Friday and she told me that on Nov. 2nd our profile website was viewed.  Dec. 19 and 21 it was shown again.  The 29th our profile book was shown and just recently they shipped our book to the Holland office.  She told me that the Holland birthmother chose a different family.  I asked her about the first 4 and she wasn't sure what was decided with those Moms.

I am excited that it's only been 2 months and our profile has been viewed 5 times, but at the same time, our profile has been seen 5 times and here we still wait.  I know deep down this is good news and ultimately God has a plan, but it's hard to hear also.  I immediately thought, what's wrong with us?  Why don't they like us?

When I got home last night, I looked at our book.  I looked at our website.  There isn't anything I would want to change.  It gives a good look at us and our life together.  I know in my heart all that has happened is good.  But I do have a sense of sadness.  I'm sure it's normal.  I hope it's normal.

I know somewhere there is a baby made for Jesse and me.  The waiting is the hardest part.  I know our time will come.  It just seems so unfair.  I know life's not fair, but after this long of a journey, you begin to wonder is it ever going to end?  Will it ever happen?  The answer is yes and yes, but the waiting STINKS!  UGh!

She also told me that so far this year they have already placed 11-13 children.  Pretty impressive if you ask me!!

So, you tell me, good news or bad news?

WOW! An Award!!

Thanks Jess and Ashley for the award!  I love awards!!!

Here are the rules for the acceptance of the award:
1. Thank and link back to the person who awarded you the award.
2. Share 7 things about yourself.
3. Award 15 other bloggers.
4. Contact these bloggers and tell them about the award.

Here are the 7 things you may not know about me...

1. I sent in a video to be on the Real World when I was 21.  I obviously never was selected, but I sent it!  Talk about reality junkie!

2. I met Oprah last April after I won a huge Gardner White contest!  I will have to post the picture!

3. When I am stressed out, angry or irritated, my first instinct is to clean.  It's very therapeutic!  Jesse knows when I have a mop in my hands to take cover.  He's also really good at teacher's stressful times: conferences, report cards, Open House, etc.  He will make sure the kitchen is spotless so it doesn't bug me!

4. Jesse is only the 2nd person I dated seriously.  I had a high school boyfriend that I dated for 1 year and a half and Jesse.  I went out with other guys, but no one that I said the "l" word to!

5. I cannot go to bed without a clean face or clean teeth.  I don't care how tired I am, the face MUST be clean and I can't even imagine how people can go to bed without brushing their teeth...GROSS!

6. My dream is to one day write a children's book and get it published.  This is also something that scares the living daylights out of me.  I really need to stop talking about it and actually DO IT!

7. My weakness is a bag of potato chips!  I have to keep them out of the house because if they are anywhere near me, I will eat them!  Yum!  Just talking about them makes me want some!!

I am passing the award on to:
Ashlee G at Savor the Moment
Plans Change
Kel at From You and Me to Family of Three!
Tammy at Tammy's Journey
Megan at Infertile Myrtle
Hillary at Making Me Mom
Jacalyn at Faith*Hope*Love*Happiness
Amber at Life in the Last Frontier
Rebecca at The Road Less Traveled
Lex at Beauty for Ashes
Kim at From TTC to Mommy
Jenny at The Borg's Blog
Rebekah at Heart Cries
Em at Snowflakes are One of a Kind
Browniris at The (In)fertility Diaries

Sabotage!

Just curious if this happens to others...I totally sabotage our sex life anytime I may think the big ovulation is approaching!  I watched myself do this last night.  Jesse wanted to do the deed and I was just trying to piss him off.  Saying just dumb things and that's when it hit me.  I do this every month!

Every month around this time, I pick STUPID fights, arguments, whatever...Whatever needs to be done so we don't have sex.  I know it sounds crazy, but it's honestly true.  I have noticed myself doing it, not every month, but a lot!

I think that if we don't have sex during "prime-time" then there's really no reason for me to a) get my hopes up that some miracle might happen or b) wish that it could happen. If we don't do it, then I can't be disappointed.  It makes all logical sense.  But at the same time I feel completely crazy.

Maybe this is something that should be brought up at our next counseling session.  Just thought I'd share a little bit of my crazy with you all!!

Is Anyone Else Having Difficulty?!

Hey guys!  Just curious if anyone else is having trouble with their blog.  For the past 2 days my page is taking FOREVER to load.  I thought it might be my connection and reset some things, but it's still taking forever.  Just curious if you guys are having any problems or if it's just me...

GOT IT! & Adoption Question

Yippee!!  I found the darn binder!  I must have brought it in to school and put it on the floor.  It was under my table!  What a relief!  My friend looked up how much the darn kit was...$365.  THANK GOODNESS I FOUND IT!!  Phew!  What a relief!

I finally took the Christmas tree down and the house is finally all back to normal.  I love Christmas, but I do love getting my house back to normal. 

Jesse is on his way home from work, we're going to have game night tonight.  We were going to go to a comedy show, but we decided since it's supposed to snow again tonight, it'll just be the two of us at home.  We might go to the show or something tomorrow since I don't have to work on Monday.

I have a question for all my adoption friends... Is there any adoption sites, blogs or forums that you belong to that you recommend?  Let me know.

Thanks to all of you for your help with the gluten.  I think this might do it.  We do so much already, it would just be a little more.  A friend is letting me borrow a book.  I'll keep you updated!

DOH!

Okay, to many of you this will seem TOTALLY petty.  But I need some help.  I went to tutor on Thursday and I brought my two bags and my huge reading testing binder.  When I was leaving, I contemplated going to the bathroom or just holding it.  Of course I couldn't hold it.  So, I put my binder on the table at the library, my 2 book bags next to them, did my business and left. 

Fast forward to today.  With report cards coming up, I needed to retest some of my kids to see what level they are reading at.  Couldn't find my binder, so I borrowed it from a teaching partner.  I had just left it in my car.  So, I get home and go to get the binder out and low and behold it's NOT THERE!!

I'm totally freaking out.  This binder is like the holy grail in teaching and I don't know how much trouble I will be in if I lost it.  The more I thought about it, the more I don't know if I ever picked it up after my bathroom visit.  I also know that Friday we had treats and I had my hands full of bags and don't remember bringing the binder in.

I called the library to see if it was there and of course she had no idea and said that where I said I put it, was where the FREE book section is.  So, what I'm asking, as petty as it is, is to please say a small prayer that I find this darn binder.  I am so nervous to tell my new principal that I lost the damn thing!  UGH!!!

To Gluten or Not to Gluten, That is the Question!

So I have been hearing a lot about people going gluten-free and feeling great.  I never thought I needed to be that person.  I love my breads, although I don't eat a lot of them, but can't imagine a life without them.  I thought those people were crazy.  Why would anyone WANT to live that way?!


I talked with a coworker and she and her husband live a more natural lifestyle, like Jesse and I do.  No plastic anything, try not to nook food, stay away from crap food...I thought we were the only weird ones.  She then asked me if we were gluten-free.  She claimed it made her feel so much better and she is able to do so much more without gluten in her diet.  She told me to research gluten and infertility.  So, I did.  I found some interesting articles.  Then I googled gluten and male infertility.  The findings were a little shocking.  Many sites claim that gluten will mess with a man's sperm.  


I brought it up to Jess and he said, basically, no way.  He said we are very close to a gluten free lifestyle.  All the pasta and rice we buy is gluten free.  And we don't eat that much.  I'm just confused as to what exactly has gluten in it.  It seems it's in weird stuff that I never would've imagined.


So, my question to you all is are you gluten-free?  If you are, is it hard?  How do you know what has gluten in it?  What are some hidden ways of saying gluten? 


I'm not sure I want to get into this, but it's sounding more and more intriguing.  I'm just curious...

Oh My Heaven, It's 2011?!

I cannot believe that it is 2011!  It just floors me!  Where did 2010 go?  Not that I miss it, but it just seems to have flown by in a blur!  I'm not saying 2010 wasn't a good year, a lot of good things happened to us this year!  We got approved for our adoption, we opened another pizzeria, my mean boss was replaced by a new amazing wonderful boss, everyone is healthy, we are seeing a new nutritionist.  I could go on and on, but the thing that stinks is although 2010 has brought us closer to our dream of becoming parents, it still hasn't happened!

I would love to say that 2011 will be our year (I am hoping beyond hope it is) but the problem is you never know.  I keep waking up every day saying to myself, this could be the day that changes our lives forever.  This could be the day we receive the call that will forever be in our hearts!  I have to keep thinking like that.  The way I have been thinking has not been healthy or good for me.  I have done so well with thinking positively, I fell into some sort of black hole.  But I'm not in it anymore.

I pray for all of you that don't have your little one yet, that God's plan becomes apparent to you and that this year brings you the joy of becoming a Mom.  I pray for all my friends that 2011 bring health, happiness and continued joy!  I pray that people know that God has an ultimate plan for them and put their trust in Him.  I know I don't have my "prize" yet, but I know I am a prize in the eyes of God.  I also know that through all the pain infertility, the unknown and the adoption process brings to me, God is looking down on me and saying, "Just wait Michelle.  I have good things in store for you!  Just believe and I will provide!"  I hear you God, I trust you and know you have an amazing plan.  I can't wait to see all that you have in store for me!!  Please help me to focus on that and not all the garbage!

Happy 2011!  My love to you all!!