Jul 21, 2009

Welcome July ICLW!

Hello ICLWers and Hi to all my girls who read this regularly. This is my third time participating in ICLW and I'm so glad that I have. I have found some amazing friends who have been a great support system and provide me a lot of encouragement, I don't know what I'd do without you.

I will not do another ABC this month, but instead give a quick summary of what my husband and I have been dealing with. In January of 07 after almost 3 years of trying, we took the dreaded step of seeing a RE. We found out that our issue was low sperm count and were completely turned of by the RE's quick desire to have us try IVF w. ICSI so soon.

We took a couple years to try natural approaches. We saw a nutritionist who worked with us on providing supplements, changed our diet. We tried seeing an acupuncturist hoping that would work. After almost two years of this lifestyle, I urged my hubby to get a second opinion. I was so optimistic that our hard work would've paid off. We were met with much heartache as we learned that my husband's sperm count was drastically low and our chances of having our own biological child were about 20% with ICSI. We were highly recommended to use a sperm donor to improve our results. (My post titled ROUGH was my post right after for those of you interested.)

So right now my husband and I are faced with a huge decision. Donor sperm or adoption. I feel my heart is telling me to move towards adoption, but my head won't let me completely embrace this. I feel embracing this completely means giving up on ever becoming a pregnant mom. I'm unsure how to get over the desire of being pregnant. I'm afraid I will always look at pregnant women and be envious they were able to do something I will never be able to do. If you are an adoptive mom, did you have these feelings? Do you ever get over it?

I know my ultimate goal is do be a parent and have children and do feel God is pointing me there. I am just struggling to fully accept this. I'm scared.

Sorry to be such a downer on a welcome day, but I'm going through a lot now. I know you have all been there and hopefully will understand!


BB said...

Sorry you are feeling so low... I don't know what to tell you about DE or adoption... I am so afraid we might head that wasy some day, though I am trying not to think right now. May you get all the strength to make the right decision for you both!

Amber said...

We are heading into adoption and while I would love to be pg one day I also realize that I want a child more than I want to be pg and thats been how Ive been able to get through it. Adoption is a wonderful thing that I cant wait to share in.

MAK-now said...

I'm sorry you're struggling right now. I just wanted to say you should do whatever's in your heart. I would love to be able to adopt one day becuase I believe the gift of love is just as powerful as the gift of life. But everyone's different. My hubby doesn't feel the same as I do so I really do see both sides. Do what feels right for you.

Grown in My Heart said...

hi there, here from ICLW...I am one of the writers from Grown in My Heart, an adoption website. There are a few posts on the site hat address your questions.

For me, four years after becoming a mom via adoption, there are still moments where I am a little envious of those who can 'grow their own'. Most days though, it doesn't really cross my mind, because my heart is SO full!
(we also chatted last month via comments, my personal blog is www.gotchababy.com)

Mrs. Gamgee said...

You never have to apologize for being in a tough place... we've all been there (or somewhere like it). I hope that you are able to come to a decision that you are able to live with and feel peaceful about.


Kellie said...
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Megan said...

I'm so sorry. Hubby doesn't have the highest count either , but we've not talked about donor sperm because we think it's still high enough to possibly have our own child. But we're still not exactly sure what my issues are completely. We have talked about donor eggs possibly. Basically, we're in limbo too. We had a conversation the other night about adoption vs more treatments and it's sort of a mute point cuz we don't have the money for anything right now. I have the same feelings as you though. I so desperately want to be pregnant and have everything that goes with that. I wonder how I'll feel if we end up adopting, etc. Sorry I don't have better answers for you. I just rambled a bit. (((HUGS))) and lots of prayers for clarity, direction and peace.