Merry Christmas!

I CANNOT believe another Christmas is here. Where did this year go? Christmas time is such a bittersweet time of year for people going through infertility. It's a time of year to be with your loved ones and celebrate the joy that comes from Jesus being born on this earth. Yet, when you're infertile, it's also a time of year that makes you realize it's one more year without your precious baby.

Most of the time, the latter part consumes my life. I can only dwell on what I don't have. I'm not going to say that it didn't happen at all this year, but it wasn't as strong. Obviously I still want our baby, but I'm not going to dwell on it. This year has brought us a step closer to whatever and wherever God is directing us to go.

I am really glad we won't be going to my aunt's this Christmas Eve. I am Polish and we have this tradition of breaking opatek (bread) with each member of the family wishing them the best for the new year. This tends to get QUITE emotional as we make our rounds and I bet you can imagine what EVERYONE's wish for us is. I'm really kinda glad I'll be dodging that this year (Jess and I rotate Christmas Eve and Christmas day with the families!) It's not that I don't want their well wishes, it's just I don't want to be reminded of what I don't have. Because what I do have is something great! I have the support of my family, even though they may not always entirely understand why we're doing what we're doing. I have a husband who I wouldn't trade in this world. We have reconnected in this last year spiritually, emotionally and lovingly. He is truly my best friend and I don't know what I'd do without him. Jesse now has a job that allows him to be a REAL person. Yesterday was the first time since our first year of marriage that Jess was able to go to my Mom's birthday dinner. I have a lot to be grateful for this Christmas and instead of focusing on the things that are waiting to arrive, I'm not going to waste my Christmas feeling sorry for myself. God is good, God has a plan and I trust that He will provide.

I pray that you all have a very blessed and safe Christmas! You are all a gift that I treasure and I'm so glad to have you in my life! MERRY CHRISTMAS!