Dec 20, 2009

What a Difference a Year Makes!

Well, I'm sitting here organizing my blog and thinking back on all that has happened in the last year. A lot of my blogger friends who were battling infertility have conquered it and have achieved the ultimate goal. It's so amazing to me. I can't help but feel a little sad for myself, but honestly only a little. Although God hasn't provided us with our little bundle yet. He has provided me so much...

I have become friends with so many people and feel your love in so many ways. It's so amazing to me that when I started this blog 2 years ago I have been fortunate to find people who can relate, understand, care, support and encourage. All this from people I haven't met (except you Kami! :) ). God is truly amazing.

I never thought a year ago that Jesse and I would be so in tune with each other. A year ago, I thought if I wasn't able to have a child biologically, I would never have one, or worse, I wouldn't be with Jess. God has worked his magic and allowed Jesse and I to both be on the same page with our issue and accept what He is pushing us to do.

A year ago, I said I would adopt, but secretly didn't WANT to. Now, I'm in a point in my life where my desire to be a Mommy and to bring my little baby home means more to me than being pregnant. Now, don't get me wrong, would I love to be able to have our own baby? YES! Do I still pray daily for God to heal us and allow that to happen? YES! Is it as consuming to me as it was a year ago? I can honestly say NO!

I know that God is pushing us in a direction and although it scares the living heeby jeebies out of me. I am willing to take that step with honor. Some baby out there will be blessed with a Mommy AND a Daddy who prayed for them, cared for them and loved them more than they could ever imagine. When our baby comes, does it really matter if they came from my uterus...does that make a woman a Mommy? Hell no! I know that when God puts all the pieces in place and allows our baby to FINALLY come home, it will be wonderful because it will be His will!

With that being said...I made the call. Our appointment is January 12th. The next step is taken and it feels damn good!

10 comments:

Christina said...

Go girl!! I'm so excited for 1/12!!

twondra said...

Yay!! I'm so happy you made the call!! Keep us posted for sure!! :)

Courtney said...

Good for you, girl! So proud of you for taking that first step! :-) I'll be praying for you and this new journey!

Merry Christmas!

Dagny said...

Horray!!!!!

Merry Christmas to you both.

xoxo

Stacey said...

Hope you have a Merry Christmas, Michelle! I have your appointment written down as a prayer request and I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
This year sounds like it was one of great progress for you and your husband. Way to go! Wishing you all the best in 2010.

Mrz. Hannah Myhre said...

SO Glad to hear you made the call!!! I can't wait to hear how your appointment goes! Praying for you and your husband, and asking God to help you during this Journey.

Merry Christmas to you Both!!!

Hugs,
Hannah

Becky said...

I have been through the same steps too. I finally reached a point also where it doesn't hurt, as much anymore. We decided to go the route of fostering instead of adoption, but there is always a chance to adopt one of the foster children.

Congrats to you though! If you have the money, then go for it!

Jamie said...

Yay, Michelle! I'll be thinking of you on the 12th! :o)

Tabitha said...

Yay! January 12th, is my birthday...so it's a good day! =) Good luck and know that I'm praying for you!!

Hillary said...

Beautiful post, Michelle. I can totally relate to that knowledge of being willing to adopt but really not wanting to. I, too, trust that if that is the path God wants us to go down he will prepare my heart. You are an inspiration, and I can't wait to hear how that appointment goes!


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