Feb 21, 2011

So Be It...

So I feel much better.  I am not going to post anything (although if anyone does know how to do a private post, please let me know!).  I prayed about it, prayed for the people and prayed for myself to not let people get to me.

I've learned throughout all of this infertility, adoption and heartache along the way that some people just don't have what it takes and so be it.  Some people are so wrapped up in their own lives, they don't take two seconds to think about others, so be it.  Some people don't even realize the words they say are hurtful and rude.  I can't say so be it to that.  That's where my faith in God comes in.  I pray that those people will learn how to tame their tongues and realize that the words they say do matter to the people hearing them.  I pray that God works His way into their lives to give them a chance to see the good in life.

However, if they do come into contact with God and still chose not to accept it, so be it.  I can only live my life and do my part through prayer.  The rest is ultimately up to God and they have the choice to accept Him or live their life the way they know.

I'm so glad I chose to live my life accepting God.  I obviously have my times when I stumble, take some steps backward or fall flat on my face.  But that's life.  We are all broken.  It's what you do in those moments that allow you pick up the pieces and move forward.  In the past, when I was feeling like I was yesterday morning, I would sit and stew all day in my nasty feelings.  I would feel validated for feeling the way I do.  However, as I entered church yesterday morning, I began praying for these feelings to be released.  I spoke to a friend and asked for her support.  I prayed with another friend for MY bitterness and anger to be lifted up.

I NEVER would've done that in the past.  After all, the reason I was feeling that way was because ________ MADE me feel that way.  I'm so glad that I made the choice to change my outlook.  I'm not saying all the feelings are gone.  I have to work at it, but I also have realized that Jesse and I are on the right path, we are doing all we can and whatever issue ________ has, it's on them.  They have the choice.  I would LOVE for them to come into a relationship with God and see what a change it can make in their lives, but ultimately, it's not my choice.  I will continue to pray for them and myself, but it's in God's hands.  They have the choice, what they decide to do with it is up to them...so be it!


1 comment:

twondra said...

Wow...I'm so sorry you were hurt sweetie! It bothers me when people say hurtful comments. It hurts. I'm glad you're doing better. (((HUGS)))