Oct 12, 2008

Losing Faith...

I haven't at all mentioned this, it has been a taboo subject for me to post, but I am so hurt and don't know what to do anymore. I feel this is my escape right now. After trying to have a baby for nearly 4 years, it is extremely hard for me to still have hope and faith that God is on our side. I have an extremely hard time believing that a God could continue to hurt Jesse and me over and over and over. Although, we are extremely happy for everyone in our lives that is able to do this miraculous thing, conceive a child, we can't help but wonder, when is our time. We have watched many friends, family members (and also people we don't particularly like) share their joy with us. We have smiled and believed in our hearts our time will come, but it hasn't and it doesn't feel like it ever will. It's so unbelievably hard to watch all these people experience the joy you wonder if you'll ever be able to relate to. It's hard to believe a God could keep doing this to us over and over and yet we still have to hold our heads up and believe. It's hard! We can't help but wonder, what did we do? Why not us? Why? I'm losing faith, I'm losing hope and I'm starting to believe that doing the "right" thing gets you nowhere! HELP!!

No comments: