I DID IT!! All 13.2 Miles of It!

I have said for a long time that I wanted to run a marathon.  The more I talked about it, the more I realized that might be a little too crazy.  So, then I decided that I wanted to run a half marathon.  I talked and talked about doing one.  When we got to the point of just waiting for our adoption to progress, I decided that I needed to begin training and give my mind something challenging to concentrate on since thinking about our adoption 24 hours a day wasn't doing me any good.

Low and behold, when I told a friend back in January about my decision, she informed me there was a half marathon in Mt. Clemens (about a half hour from here) at the end of April.  So for the next 3 and a half months, I trained as much as I could.  It was sometimes a big pain in my butt, yet I knew when I accomplished this, I would be so proud of myself.

That was then.

Yesterday was the race.  I did it!  All 13.2 miles.  Yes, a normal half marathon is 13.1, but this one, for whatever reason, was .2.  I was pretty nervous, but really excited to actually be doing one of my lifelong goals.

The weather was sunny, a little chilly, but nice overall.  The first 9 miles were pretty easy.  When I got to mile 10, my running friend and I were both getting tired and sluggish.  We kept encouraging each other.  It was also around mile 10, when I started to get really emotional.  As I mentioned in one of my previous posts, this race symbolized a lot of our journey with infertility and adoption.

At mile 10, I wanted to stop.  I was so close, but I just wanted to be done.  As I was running, I kept thinking about where we are in our adoption journey.  I kept on running.  It made me think that I had traveled all this way and the end was in sight.  Only a few more miles and I would be done.  Although I don't know where we are in the grand scheme of things, and I obviously don't know where or how our baby journey will end.  I have to believe the end is in sight.  I have to believe if I keep running, I will get to that finish as well.  All these thoughts are going through my head at this time.

I kept running.  Despite the pain, despite the fact that I literally had a huge cramp in my rear, despite the fact I just wanted to be done!  I kept running.  I cried a little, but I kept on running.

At about mile 12, I really was hurting.  Then this girl came out of nowhere in a red t-shirt that said on the back, "I can do everything through Christ who strengthens me."--Philippians 4:13.  I saw that I instantly got a little recharge. I started praying that God would give me the strength to finish.  I began to pick up my pace after that.

A short while later, I looked up and saw Jesse on the side of the road.  Cheering me on.  (He had done the relay with a friend and had already finished.  He came to support us close to the finish.)  I really began to tear up when I saw him.  He shouted that we had a little way to go and that I could do it.  I kept running.

Shortly before I saw Jesse, a song came on.  A song that means a lot to me.  A song that when I'm feeling down, helps me to see that looking up is the only way.  "Up," by Shania Twain came on my ipod.  I pushed through the pain and kept thinking UP is the only way to look.  UP is the only way to depend and no matter how down I feel, UP is the answer.  I dug deep, took a deep breath and finished that race running toward my baby.  

I don't know how much longer I have on my infertility/adoption journey, but I do know I have come a long way and each step brings me closer.  So despite the pain I feel, despite the length of time I have been "running" this race.  Despite wanting to give up at times, I will keep on running and one day, I will finish the race.

Here's an old post I posted about the song.

Surprising My Brother

I was very blessed to have been able to fly down to Florida last week and surprise my brother for his graduation.  I was so scared my surprise wouldn't work and that he knew I was coming.  When we got to the door, my dad said, "Hey Chris, come out here, you have some crap on the floor out here!"

I'm so unbelievably proud of him.  He earned his Masters Degree in Entertainment Business from Full Sail University in Florida.  I flew down there on Wednesday, he graduated on Good Friday and I flew back late Saturday night to be back for Easter with Jesse.  It was a busy few days, but we had some fun!  Here are more pictures from my short visit. I can't wait for him to come home for a visit soon!!

Endurance

I've been struggling with this post for a little while now, so I hope that I'm able to do it justice and make my point.  I was reading this book entitled, What is God Waiting For?  Understanding Divine Delays in Your Life by Marlinda Ireland.  So far (I'm only in chapter 3) I am liking the book.  It has helped me to realize that God is hearing my prayers, but there are some things to consider.  There are Divine delays and Deserved delays.  The deserved delays have three categories: 1) LACK OF FAITH 2) foolish actions or 3) presumptuous thinking.

If you couldn't tell from my all capped out category...the one that I think is my fault is lack of faith.  Not all the time, but some days throughout this journey, I find myself doubting A LOT!  In the book it discussed living faith (we trust that God is both willing and able to answer our prayers) and saving faith (trust in the saving work of Jesus Christ).  My lack of faith stems from the first one.  I don't have the doubt that God is able to do these things, I have the doubt that he is willing.

Fast forward and the book talks more about endurance.  This struck with me because right now I am dealing with endurance in two aspects of my life.  One, is building my endurance to be able to finish the half marathon.  I am working on gaining the mileage to help me to succeed and finish strong.  The second, obviously, is my endurance in finishing this long race with infertility, and adoption.

Endurance is what we use to deal with the frustration and heartache of being in a delay.  Endurance, according to the book, is an aggressive, courageous attitude that is needed during the hard times of the delays God gives us.  It is also a mind set that rejects self-pity...Woooooaaaaahhhh!  Hold the brakes, what?!?  Yep, the book says that "endurance rules out discouragement no matter how hopeless the situation appears to be."

That struck with me.  How often do I become discouraged or disheartened along this battle?  LOTS!  God is working in me, for some reason, to build my endurance for all this pain I have dealt with along the way.  Who knows why?  Maybe it will help me to be a more understanding Mom?  Maybe it will prepare me for a job down the road?  Maybe it will help me to be a better wife to my amazing husband?  Whatever the reason God has chosen me to deal with this, He is telling me that I can get through it.  I will get through it.  Keep my faith, hold on tight, and keep running the race.  Eventually my faith and endurance will get me to the finish in both races in my life.  This post makes me think of the bible verse Timothy 4:7: I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.

How amazing that day will be when our little baby, wherever he or she may be, makes it home to his Mommy and Daddy.  This verse will be my verse!!  I'm holding on to my hope, keeping the faith, holding on to God for an amazing ride and putting my trust in Him.  He does have the power, He is able and He will answer my prayers one day. But it's not on my time...It's on His.  And until that day comes, I will be working on my endurance.  Some days will be easy, others not so much.  But I know I have a God that loves me.  How truly blessed am I?