May 18, 2011


Thank you doesn't even seem like enough to say to all of you who supported me and lifted me up!!  There were many first time commenters that really made me think and helped me.  I cannot begin to tell you how much all your comments meant to me!

Ever since Mother's Day, God has been working to show me his love!  Infertility is not a fun thing at all.  It makes you question a lot of things and never take happiness for granted.  we went to our counselor on Wednesday of last week and that helped me a lot!  It got Jesse and I on level ground on this subject.  Jesse could not see how I can believe in God and have all these doubts.

Through our discussions, I know that my void is a God void.  I know what's missing in my life cannot be filled with a child and even if and when we are blessed with a child, I will still have that void.  I'm working on filling that void with God.  He's been working on me too.

Thursday we had an assembly that is always some type of character growth assembly.  This year I felt the assembly was made completely for me.  At one point a song came on and they were singing Believing in Miracles!  WOW!  Then they talked about not doubting yourself and speaking negatively, like I can't do this, I'm bad at that.  I can't remember all the details of the assembly, but I came home and told Jesse that God was talking to me.

Then, at church on Sunday, the whole topic was about God's love.  It spoke of the story of the woman at the well and that although she didn't feel worthy, God loved her.  I'm seeing it, slowly, but surely.

Infertility sucks and some days are better than others.  I know God has a plan for me, I know he loves me and I know that I have work to do on my journey with him.  It isn't all roses and sunshine.  The roses have thorns, and sunshine can burn, but I'm not going to focus on that.  I have a God who loves me and is trying to teach me something along this journey.  I want to come out on the other side a better person.  So, I'm willing to listen and do my best to change.

Thanks for joining me through my ups and downs.  It's nice to know there are so many others out there who feel the feelings, know the pain, confusion and uncertainty.  Thanks!


Ashley said...

Glad to hear how God is working in your life! Keep seeking Him and everything else will fall into place!

Courtney said...

So happy that you're seeing God working in your life! :-)

Stacey said...

It is definitely a journey of many ups and downs, and it will test your faith and stretch you in so many ways. I don't believe that God wants us to suffer, but I do believe that He will use our circumstances (especially the very hard ones) to teach us and grow us and help us to rely on Him. I'm hoping that you'll have many more good days that far outnumber the bad as you continue to trust Him. ((HUGS))