Nov 29, 2009

Decision MADE! YIKES!

So the last few weeks have been pretty crazy. We had something going everyday for the past two weeks...LITERALLY. Not kidding! Thank goodness that's all over with. We made it. Conferences done, stress done. Time for the holidays. Can you believe it? Yikes, I'm not ready!

We have spent the last two months really soul searching and trying to find the answer to our infertility question. This was a huge part of my hiatus. (Hopefully I still have my blogger friends!) I needed some time away to really soul search and find the answer that was right for us. I knew reading your blogs would sway me and I needed this decision to be our pure decision for the two of us. I've known what we should do since back in July, but didn't want to come to terms with it. I needed some time to deal with the decision and make sure it was what I truly wanted.

I went with my mom up north in August, and that was really where I felt God telling me that adoption was our answer. It was a hard answer to hear. I didn't want to hear that at first. I wanted to hear, it'll happen or give IVF a try, but I can't deny what I feel God speaking to me. I have this overwhelming sense that this is what we are supposed to do. I know some people won't understand since we haven't 100% tried any fertility "options." But all I can say is this is totally what I feel we're meant to do.

We considered the donor route and the decision I came to was...IF (big IF there) God were to EVER bless us with our OWN baby, we would never experience that. Adoption allows us to be "open" to God's miracles. I know that might sound crazy, but I truly feel God will provide. I just have to obey. That's the hard part, obeying when you feel your answers are the best. Well, let's be real, MY answers haven't got me anywhere but heart broken and angry. I have no other options than to try this one!

My counselor summed it up perfectly one day when I was feeling very woe is me and crying for the pregnancy I may never have. What's your ultimate goal? To have a baby or to be pregnant? My ultimate goal in life is to be a mommy. Does it really matter if my baby comes from my uterus or someone else's? Really, truly? No, what matters the most is my baby coming home to be with her Mommy and Daddy and two fur-sibs! That's all that matters. Really life is too short to worry about the little things and although I know pregnancy is a NOT a little thing. In the grand scheme of life, all I want to be is a mom. My baby (wherever they are) will be loved unconditionally and really know what it feels like to be wanted and cared for.

That's about all we are in our decision making. We have a few agencies and one that we're really leaning towards. I just have to make a few calls to meet with some people and really get the ball rolling. I'm excited to start this next chapter of our lives and I'm even more excited to put infertility away. I don't think it will go away forever. It will be a beast that I'll be fighting for the rest of my baby making years, I'm sure. But I'm done being the victim and I'm ready to live my life the way I feel God is pushing me! Thanks for listening. I'm really back and I hope you're still there to support me! LOVE YOU!


Hillary said...

Congrats on coming to a place of decision and peace! I know it won't be easy and there will probably be many days as you struggle to walk the path God has set before you, but I know you will be SO blessed through your trust and obedience to him! So happy for you!

Courtney said...

You are so awesome and I think it is great that you are listening to God and following your heart! I'm so glad you're back. I've been praying for you! Love you girl!

Ashley said...

Glad you are back! I'm happy that God has lead you to a decision;) You are in my thoughts and prayers!

Kelli said...

Welcome back! I'm so glad you are at peace with the decision to adopt! We are starting to discuss the possibility for us as well and really praying for God's guidance. Praying for you, too!

Jill said...

I am an adoptive mommy of two wonderful little girls. I'm here to tell you that the baby that God gives you will be your OWN...from your uterus or anyone's. I, too, skipped the IVF route after being strongly led by God to pursue adoption. Three months after that decision, I had my first baby girl in my arms. Eighteen months later, my second baby girl came to me. Oh, the adoption process is stressful and crazy but so is the pregnancy route. I want everyone to experience the awesome moments that I have. Adoption is truly a MIRACLE! Good luck and God bless!

Christina said...

OH MY!!! Yay!!! I'm so happy for you for making this decision. I REALLY like what your counselor said about what the ultimate goal was - to be pregnant or be a mom. Wow, that just makes so much sense and why did I never think of it that way when I was trying to give you words of wisdom. Oh my gosh. I am so excited for you both!!! Love love love you guys!!

Meant to be a mom said...

I am SOOO EXCITED for you guys. This will be such a blessing to your life and you will be 100 percent this childs mommy and daddy. What a beautiful thing you are doing. This baby will be so lucky.
I don't know if you've ever checked out this blog
But she is a follower of mine and I'm one of hers. She is such a sweet girl who has a sweet absolutely adorable little girl. They adopted her this past summer and its the best story ever! You should check it out sometime.
I'm so happy for you guys. Welcome back!

Life Happens said...

That's great that you have felt inspired to pursue adoption. The Lord knows what's best for us and we just need to be open to listen to the promptings of the spirit.

Congrats to you guys. I pray that this process will lead you to starting your family soon!!

just me, dawn said...

welcome back, and congrats on coming to a decision for the way forward. Follow your heart, it will never lead you astray. ((hugs))

Anita said...

Yay on coming to a decision!
We also skipped out on further IF treatments to pursue adoption & although I can definitely say that this path has not been the easiest, I can also say that it is SOOO worth it when it does work out :)

Welcome back & I can't wait to read more !

Brandy said...

Congratulations on such a big decision! I'm just the opposite as you, I don't feel ready for adoption, but I know that every person is different. I'm sure this is a load off of your mind. Or at least now you've got other things to think about.

Mrz. Hannah Myhre said...

Congrats on making this wonderful decision:) I'm still here for you all the way!!!

In fact one day I will go down the adoption road myself.. Many People may not understand why.. but it has been layed on mine and my husbands heart to do so. We will Love them as our own!!

Before we adopt though.. I need to go back and do 1 FET because we have 3 fozen embryo's left. And I will give them a chance at life. Either way if it works or doesn't after that we plan on adopting. Infact I'm very excited about it. And hopefuly that will give us time to save for adoption.. As it can be very expensive. I think it is too expensive just like fertility treatments:( But no matter what I believe God will make a way as long as we stay in his will.

I'm just so excited for you!!! and I'm praying that you will meet your baby very soon in the future:)


Kami said...

I think that is a great decision!!! Good for you for taking the time off to focus on your future with your husband. I know God is going to provide for you. I am so happy for you guys.


Jamie said...

Congratulations on your decision, Michelle! Somewhere in the world there is a beautiful, special baby who needs you. You are going to be a great mommy.

Stacey said...

Michelle, this is wonderful news! Of course you have my support every step of the way. I can't wait to see what God will do!