Jun 25, 2011
What a Day!
Baptism was a HUGE day for us. I was emotional beyond all get out. It was an amazing day for us. Many friends and family came. I can't even begin to tell you how wonderful it was. I felt such a relief publicly declaring my love for God. Here are some pictures from the day.
Jun 5, 2011
Big Step...Big Day!
Sorry that I've been out of the loop for a bit here. Jesse and I have made a huge decision in the last couple weeks. We have decided to get baptized...TODAY!
Our church does them once or twice a year. Last year we had helped out and it was so inspiring. There were people who had planned on doing it, but so many people felt the urge and did it spontaneously. I knew Jesse was on the verge last year and asked him about it. We decided to do it and plan on doing it. So we wrote our story, taped it and today's the day. Here's the story that I will share with my church today:
My husband and I started trying to have a family a year after we were married. We soon learned that this would be a difficult road for us. Although I had gone to church all my life and believed in God, I began to grow bitter and stoppedgoing to church as a result of all the pain of the infertility. I put my focus entirely and completely in finding a way to have a baby. I began to realize that something was missing and began searching. That was when we decided to check Kensington out. I remember the first service we heard Dave do was about surrendering. I felt that God was speaking to me. It was my first church experience where I actually got something out of the sermon. I have since realized that I am not complete and something is missing. However, it’s not the baby that I long for that’s missing, it’s Jesus. I know, today, that whatever happens in our lives is ultimately up to God. I know my journey will not be a walk in the park. There will be days that will hurt, there will be days that it will be hard to get through, but I know with all my heart and soul that God loves me and is with me. I don’t know how our story will end, only He knows that. I trust He has a plan for us and I surrender it all to Him.
Our church does them once or twice a year. Last year we had helped out and it was so inspiring. There were people who had planned on doing it, but so many people felt the urge and did it spontaneously. I knew Jesse was on the verge last year and asked him about it. We decided to do it and plan on doing it. So we wrote our story, taped it and today's the day. Here's the story that I will share with my church today:
My husband and I started trying to have a family a year after we were married. We soon learned that this would be a difficult road for us. Although I had gone to church all my life and believed in God, I began to grow bitter and stoppedgoing to church as a result of all the pain of the infertility. I put my focus entirely and completely in finding a way to have a baby. I began to realize that something was missing and began searching. That was when we decided to check Kensington out. I remember the first service we heard Dave do was about surrendering. I felt that God was speaking to me. It was my first church experience where I actually got something out of the sermon. I have since realized that I am not complete and something is missing. However, it’s not the baby that I long for that’s missing, it’s Jesus. I know, today, that whatever happens in our lives is ultimately up to God. I know my journey will not be a walk in the park. There will be days that will hurt, there will be days that it will be hard to get through, but I know with all my heart and soul that God loves me and is with me. I don’t know how our story will end, only He knows that. I trust He has a plan for us and I surrender it all to Him.
There's been some backlash from some of my family members because I'm not going to be "Catholic" anymore. I really don't get it. I'm, obviously, not one to get hung up on titles. Yes, I don't go to a Catholic church anymore. I'm sorry, I went for 29 years. I felt like something was missing, began searching and found the church we currently go to. In the past 2 1/2 years we have started going there we met people who have inspired us and helped us become closer to God. I, now, have a relationship with God. I read the Bible daily (well...I try to! Most days I achieve this!) and I know Jesus and love him. Isn't that all that matters?!
Jesus said following him would cause troubles in your life. If my family can't accept that I don't see my religion as a Catholic, Lutheran, Protestant, whatever thing...I follow Jesus, I believe in God and I try to be the best person I can. Today is about proclaiming this in front of everyone! I'm so excited!!
May 18, 2011
Thanks!
Thank you doesn't even seem like enough to say to all of you who supported me and lifted me up!! There were many first time commenters that really made me think and helped me. I cannot begin to tell you how much all your comments meant to me!
Ever since Mother's Day, God has been working to show me his love! Infertility is not a fun thing at all. It makes you question a lot of things and never take happiness for granted. we went to our counselor on Wednesday of last week and that helped me a lot! It got Jesse and I on level ground on this subject. Jesse could not see how I can believe in God and have all these doubts.
Through our discussions, I know that my void is a God void. I know what's missing in my life cannot be filled with a child and even if and when we are blessed with a child, I will still have that void. I'm working on filling that void with God. He's been working on me too.
Thursday we had an assembly that is always some type of character growth assembly. This year I felt the assembly was made completely for me. At one point a song came on and they were singing Believing in Miracles! WOW! Then they talked about not doubting yourself and speaking negatively, like I can't do this, I'm bad at that. I can't remember all the details of the assembly, but I came home and told Jesse that God was talking to me.
Then, at church on Sunday, the whole topic was about God's love. It spoke of the story of the woman at the well and that although she didn't feel worthy, God loved her. I'm seeing it, slowly, but surely.
Infertility sucks and some days are better than others. I know God has a plan for me, I know he loves me and I know that I have work to do on my journey with him. It isn't all roses and sunshine. The roses have thorns, and sunshine can burn, but I'm not going to focus on that. I have a God who loves me and is trying to teach me something along this journey. I want to come out on the other side a better person. So, I'm willing to listen and do my best to change.
Thanks for joining me through my ups and downs. It's nice to know there are so many others out there who feel the feelings, know the pain, confusion and uncertainty. Thanks!
Ever since Mother's Day, God has been working to show me his love! Infertility is not a fun thing at all. It makes you question a lot of things and never take happiness for granted. we went to our counselor on Wednesday of last week and that helped me a lot! It got Jesse and I on level ground on this subject. Jesse could not see how I can believe in God and have all these doubts.
Through our discussions, I know that my void is a God void. I know what's missing in my life cannot be filled with a child and even if and when we are blessed with a child, I will still have that void. I'm working on filling that void with God. He's been working on me too.
Thursday we had an assembly that is always some type of character growth assembly. This year I felt the assembly was made completely for me. At one point a song came on and they were singing Believing in Miracles! WOW! Then they talked about not doubting yourself and speaking negatively, like I can't do this, I'm bad at that. I can't remember all the details of the assembly, but I came home and told Jesse that God was talking to me.
Then, at church on Sunday, the whole topic was about God's love. It spoke of the story of the woman at the well and that although she didn't feel worthy, God loved her. I'm seeing it, slowly, but surely.
Infertility sucks and some days are better than others. I know God has a plan for me, I know he loves me and I know that I have work to do on my journey with him. It isn't all roses and sunshine. The roses have thorns, and sunshine can burn, but I'm not going to focus on that. I have a God who loves me and is trying to teach me something along this journey. I want to come out on the other side a better person. So, I'm willing to listen and do my best to change.
Thanks for joining me through my ups and downs. It's nice to know there are so many others out there who feel the feelings, know the pain, confusion and uncertainty. Thanks!
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