I've been struggling with this post for a little while now, so I hope that I'm able to do it justice and make my point. I was reading this book entitled,
What is God Waiting For? Understanding Divine Delays in Your Life by Marlinda Ireland. So far (I'm only in chapter 3) I am liking the book. It has helped me to realize that God is hearing my prayers, but there are some things to consider. There are Divine delays and Deserved delays. The deserved delays have three categories: 1) LACK OF FAITH 2) foolish actions or 3) presumptuous thinking.
If you couldn't tell from my all capped out category...the one that I think is my fault is lack of faith. Not all the time, but some days throughout this journey, I find myself doubting A LOT! In the book it discussed living faith (we trust that God is both willing and able to answer our prayers) and saving faith (trust in the saving work of Jesus Christ). My lack of faith stems from the first one. I don't have the doubt that God is able to do these things, I have the doubt that he is willing.
Fast forward and the book talks more about endurance. This struck with me because right now I am dealing with endurance in two aspects of my life. One, is building my endurance to be able to finish the half marathon. I am working on gaining the mileage to help me to succeed and finish strong. The second, obviously, is my endurance in finishing this long race with infertility, and adoption.
Endurance is what we use to deal with the frustration and heartache of being in a delay. Endurance, according to the book, is an aggressive, courageous attitude that is needed during the hard times of the delays God gives us. It is also a mind set that rejects self-pity...Woooooaaaaahhhh! Hold the brakes, what?!? Yep, the book says that "endurance rules out discouragement no matter how hopeless the situation appears to be."
That struck with me. How often do I become discouraged or disheartened along this battle? LOTS! God is working in me, for some reason, to build my endurance for all this pain I have dealt with along the way. Who knows why? Maybe it will help me to be a more understanding Mom? Maybe it will prepare me for a job down the road? Maybe it will help me to be a better wife to my amazing husband? Whatever the reason God has chosen me to deal with this, He is telling me that I can get through it. I will get through it. Keep my faith, hold on tight, and keep running the race. Eventually my faith and endurance will get me to the finish in both races in my life. This post makes me think of the bible verse Timothy 4:7: I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.
How amazing that day will be when our little baby, wherever he or she may be, makes it home to his Mommy and Daddy. This verse will be my verse!! I'm holding on to my hope, keeping the faith, holding on to God for an amazing ride and putting my trust in Him. He does have the power, He is able and He will answer my prayers one day. But it's not on my time...It's on His. And until that day comes, I will be working on my endurance. Some days will be easy, others not so much. But I know I have a God that loves me. How truly blessed am I?
