The journey...

So I'm not a fan, by any stretch of the imagination of Mi.ley, but her new song The Climb came on the radio today and something kept me from changing the channel. It took me a couple seconds to get over her whining, no talent voice (sorry if there are any fans out there, but seriously, I can sing better than that. And that's not saying much!) but I was caught up listening to the words and feeling inspired! Here are the lyrics. Please don't judge me, I will again stress it's not the SINGER I am complimenting, it's the lyrics that have touched me.

I can almost see it
That dream I’m dreaming but
There’s a voice inside my head sayin,
You’ll never reach it,
Every step I’m taking,
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking but I
Got to keep trying
Got to keep my head held high

There’s always going to be another mountain
I’m always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes you going to have to lose,
Ain’t about how fast I get there,
Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side
It’s the climb

The struggles I’m facing,
The chances I’m taking
Sometimes they knock me down but
No I’m not breaking
The pain I’m knowing
But these are the moments that
I’m going to remember most yeah
Just got to keep going
And I,
I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on,

There’s always going to be another mountain
I’m always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes you going to have to lose,
Ain’t about how fast I get there,
Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side
It’s the climb

There’s always going to be another mountain
I’m always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes you going to have to lose,
Ain’t about how fast I get there,
Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side
It’s the climb

Keep on moving
Keep climbing
Keep the faith baby
It’s all about
It’s all about
The climb
Keep the faith
Keep your faith

Yep...Keep MY faith! Got it. Thanks God!

Surrender

So, I've been dying to put this post in, but I totally ruined the computer and lost Internet. So much for helping!! Thank goodness for my dad. He helped save the computer!!

We went to the new church again on Sunday. Again to the same inspiring message. This time they were talking about Surrendering to God. I know I have said before that it's all in God's hands, but secretly, behind the scenes, I was micromanaging every millisecond on our journey. I'm sure that's not good for us. But, I was scared. Let go? Leave it to God? Give up "control"?

Well listening to the message this week, I knew I was wrong, but admit it. Never. However, the message went on and the teaching pastor spoke of the same battle he had, and also the moment he decided to surrender to God. It was emotional, it was touching listening to this man spill his heart and soul out about his journey. The whole time he was talking, I was battling with myself to let go how I'm feeling about all the stress of infertility. At the end he asked people who honestly could and would surrender to the Lord to stand up and say a quiet prayer. I knew in my heart this was my moment. The moment I could release all the stress and burden that infertility brings. I still debated with myself knowing full well what I had to do, but at the same time, scared out of my mind to think about doing it.

I prayed in those short moments and told God I trusted him and that whatever journey he sees fit for Jesse and me to make it obvious and clear to us. I had tears in my eyes as I stood up and honestly let it go. I let it go. I can no longer bare the burden that infertility brings. I let it go. I'm letting God. I have to for myself, my husband and my future babies. In that moment I realized that agonizing over ovulation and timing sex and all of that is not what this is about. It's time to relax and just see where it goes.

This doesn't mean that I will sit back and not do anything. I obviously will do what I need to do, however, I am done worrying about it. I'm done agonizing over it. It's time to listen and just be. I've finally accepted the hand we've been dealt. Yes, it sucks, it honestly sucks, but I also feel like it's a badge of honor. God chose us. He knew we could handle it. It has brought us nothing but good things. The people we have met through this journey have been truly inspiring and some of the warmest and best people I have come across. So, again, I thank God for this. It's time to stop pitying myself and see that I am a strong woman and with God, nothing is impossible!

Funny....

Soooo...Jesse and I were talking the other night about how things seem to happen at just the right moments. I know it's not funny, it's God working and bringing things to you when you are ready, but Jesse and I are finding this to almost start looking like a game, a puzzle to be exact.

I feel like I have been on a journey searching for something. I want to surround myself with people I want to be like, good people, good people with morals, and positive attitudes. I was discouraged with my church and all the politics that seemed to go into it. I had a friend who had been telling me about her church and I just felt like it wasn't right at that time. A chain of events happened where we wound up taking this financial class with this friend. We met more people through them who fit the above description. My mind started to change. I wanted to see what else was out there. We decided to go to this new church on Sunday. I LOVED it. Not only did I feel like I received a message from God telling me, take it slow, relax, trust in me, I know the way, but I also felt energized and actually excited to learn about God! I have only felt this way one other time from a sermon or mass. Pretty pathetic when you think that I'm 29 and have been going to church EVERY Sunday for most of my life.

Jesse and I just feel like everything REALLY does happen for a reason. I totally believe in that overused saying, but at the same time, I HATE believing in that saying. However, I am slowly realizing that it IS all in God's hands. Who am I to judge where I am? Yes, I would love to have a child and be a mommy right now, but obviously it's just not right for us at this time. I believe whole heartily that our time will come. Call me naive, dumb or clueless, I have faith that our lives are turning around. Things are going to get better.

Who would have ever thought a year ago, Jess would not be working at you know where? Who would have thought we'd be partners with a pizzeria with a partner we BOTH trust and believe in? Who would have thought we'd be taking a financial course to help us plan our lives and future? Who would have thought we'd be as happy and close as two people could be?

See, things do happen for a reason and I have restored my faith and hope. It WILL happen, and it all begins with changing your outlook. I am truly blessed and know I have many things to be grateful for. So, I guess what I'm trying to say is...Thanks!

Let the waiting begin...

So since my egg was in hiding for a few days, I'm stuck waiting longer than usual. This is so frustrating to me. I HATE WAITING! But, I'm going to try and not think about it. Just continue on and maybe that will help. WE'll see.

Jesse and I have started a financial class and are determined and motivated to pay off our debt. Since it's looking like we are going to have to fund whatever choice we make, we feel it would be much better to without looming debt hanging over our heads.

The people we are taking the class with are awesome! I absolutely love them. They are all such great, wonderful people. I feel like they have been brought in our lives to help us sort out our financial well-being, as well as to provide us with more hope and prayers. Jesse and I were talking about how it's so weird (for lack of a better word) that people, things and events come into our lives at just the right time. I know I can't see the reason why we're going through what we are, but I do trust that it IS in God's hands and he does have our best interest in mind. It's just being patient and taking time to be happy with where we are right now. I can honestly say, I am completely happy with where we are. I know we are putting our lives on track for a bright future. It's looking so bright, I gotta wear shades! :)

PS. I didn't realize it til I uploaded it and cut off my legs, but in this pic, with the breeze blowing my shirt...I look like I might have a bun in the oven!! See looking SOOO bright! :)