So this is my 100th post. I have been fretting the last few weeks about what to blog about. I was hoping to have some very inspirational, meaningful, wonderful post, but I don't think this is it! I apologize! I think this one is going to be more of a cornucopia of complaining, sprinkled with a little niceness. I'm sorry, there are just some things that I need to get off my chest!
Okay, I am fully aware it is 2010. The era of technology and trust me, I LOVE texting. It's so nice to text my teacher friends "Are we wearing jeans tomorrow?" or text as we are leaving for a party, "Need anything." But there are just some things that are not textable! Like, "How's the adoption going?" Really?! I don't even know what to respond to that? Maybe I'm being sensitive, or old fashioned but something like that is worthy of a phone call. I know I might be a little immature here and could've called back, but I am so annoyed by this. You're not texting, "How did the last day of school go?" or "How was the party?" You're texting about something that is VERY meaningful and important to me and, in my opinion, making it feel like it's just an every day thing. Here's an idea, pick up the phone, dial the number, wait for the ring and ask me when I answer! UGH!
Secondly, I am so sick of people who aren't willing to look at themselves and evaluate THEIR behavior. These people are always looking to others to say that there's something wrong with the other person or it's the other person's fault they did what they did. I cannot relate at all to this mentality. I am always self reflecting and evaluating if I handled situations in the best way. And if I do think I was inappropriate or may have handled the situation not in the best light, you better damn well believe I am calling myself out and apologizing. Some people are so eager to look at others instead of looking at them self! It's so annoying. Listen to the great Michael Jackson, Start with the "Man in the mirror" to "MAKE THAT CHANGE!" Seriously people, GROW UP!
Okay, my last part is my "sprinkled niceness." I was driving home on Thursday after a LONG day and I heard a song I have heard a bazillion times. It's Josh Wilson's "Before the Morning." Obviously I have NEVER really listened to the words before, because as I was driving home, I started crying uncontrollably. This song rings so true to the journey Jesse and I have been on with our infertility, considering of our options and finally deciding on adoption. I hope you enjoy this song as much as I do. Here are the lyrics and I'll try to find the song for you to enjoy! Thanks for listening!
Do you wonder why you have to
Feel the things that hurt you
If there’s a God who loves you where is He now
Maybe there are things you can’t see
And all those things are happening
To bring a better ending
Someday somehow you’ll see you’ll see
Would you dare would you dare to believe
That you still have a reason to sing
Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling
It can’t compare to the joy that’s coming
So hold on you gotta wait for the light
Press on and just fight the good fight
Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling
It’s just the dark before the morning
My friend you know how this all ends
You know where you’re going
You just don’t know how you’ll get there
So say a prayer
And hold on cause there’s good for those who love God
But life is not a snapshot
It might take a little time but you’ll see the bigger picture
Once you feel the weight of glory
All your pain will fade to memory
It’s just the hurt before the healing
Oh the pain that you’ve been feeling
It’s just the dark before the morning
Okay so in finding this video, I learned that this song was written because Josh Wilson's friends had a second child was born with a heart defect that was very grim. Hear about the story at www.beforethemorning.net The video is about 10 minutes long, but totally worth it! Get the tissues! I WILL NEVER GIVE UP, I know I will be fine, I have God on my side!!! God bless!
Jun 19, 2010
Jun 14, 2010
Apologize, Forgive, Move On
So something great happened to me yesterday...Here's a little back story.
Jesse and I worked at a restaurant we'll just call FH. I started working at FH when I was 16 years old. Shortly after I started working there, Rene started working there. She was a few years older than me and we really hit it off. For 5-6 years, she was like my big sister. She had a daughter Jordan that my family adored and they became almost like family.
I don't know what happened or what went wrong, but shortly before Jess and I got married, there was some drama that happened amongst us all. I wound up, basically, dis-owning her and didn't even invite her to my wedding. At the time, I remember I was so justified in doing what I did. (Now, I can't even remember what the dang fight was all about.)
For years, I put it out of my mind. That was the easier thing to do. I havent' seen or talked to her in at least 8 years. However, recently I found her through friend on good ol Fac.ebook. I wanted to friend her, but how weird would that be. So, every so often, I would stop by her page and just see what was going on in her life.
Well, yesterday, one of the girls that we worked with had a graduation party for her daughter. I knew Rene would be there, so I spent A LOT of time this past week praying for the meeting. I know God just kept nudging me to apologize. Of course, Jess had a golf outing and couldn't make it, so I was there alone. I didn't know what to expect. Would she hate me, would she yell at me, would she even acknowledge me? I had NO idea.
Thankfully when I got there other friends were around, so I said hi and gave everyone a hug. She was smiling and introduced me to Jordan (who is now 19 years old and going to be a sophomore in college. Talk about feeling OLD. She was 3 when I met her!!) Due to lack of seats around there and my nerves, I was literally SHAKING! I sat a table off to the side and caught up with some other friends I hadn't seen in awhile. After a short time, Rene came over and sat next to me. She patted my knee and told me I looked great. I instantly jumped at the chance, hugged her in a bear hug and just simply said, "I'm SORRY!"
Rene was in tears and said, "what even happened?" I simply replied, "I don't remember, I just know that in my heart I need to apologize. I was wrong and I hurt you and I am truly sorry." I began to cry during this time too. She said she was so happy and not being invited to my wedding was the thing in her life that hurt her the most. (OUCH! Dagger!) But I deserved it. She left a short time later, we exchanged numbers and are hopefully meeting next week for lunch to catch up!
I don't know what even happened, I honestly don't remember. But yesterday was one of the happiest days in my life. Thanks to God, I was able to put my pride aside, do what was entirely hard, but the right thing to do, and in turn, I hope I have my old friend back. What a day!!!
Jesse and I worked at a restaurant we'll just call FH. I started working at FH when I was 16 years old. Shortly after I started working there, Rene started working there. She was a few years older than me and we really hit it off. For 5-6 years, she was like my big sister. She had a daughter Jordan that my family adored and they became almost like family.
I don't know what happened or what went wrong, but shortly before Jess and I got married, there was some drama that happened amongst us all. I wound up, basically, dis-owning her and didn't even invite her to my wedding. At the time, I remember I was so justified in doing what I did. (Now, I can't even remember what the dang fight was all about.)
For years, I put it out of my mind. That was the easier thing to do. I havent' seen or talked to her in at least 8 years. However, recently I found her through friend on good ol Fac.ebook. I wanted to friend her, but how weird would that be. So, every so often, I would stop by her page and just see what was going on in her life.
Well, yesterday, one of the girls that we worked with had a graduation party for her daughter. I knew Rene would be there, so I spent A LOT of time this past week praying for the meeting. I know God just kept nudging me to apologize. Of course, Jess had a golf outing and couldn't make it, so I was there alone. I didn't know what to expect. Would she hate me, would she yell at me, would she even acknowledge me? I had NO idea.
Thankfully when I got there other friends were around, so I said hi and gave everyone a hug. She was smiling and introduced me to Jordan (who is now 19 years old and going to be a sophomore in college. Talk about feeling OLD. She was 3 when I met her!!) Due to lack of seats around there and my nerves, I was literally SHAKING! I sat a table off to the side and caught up with some other friends I hadn't seen in awhile. After a short time, Rene came over and sat next to me. She patted my knee and told me I looked great. I instantly jumped at the chance, hugged her in a bear hug and just simply said, "I'm SORRY!"
Rene was in tears and said, "what even happened?" I simply replied, "I don't remember, I just know that in my heart I need to apologize. I was wrong and I hurt you and I am truly sorry." I began to cry during this time too. She said she was so happy and not being invited to my wedding was the thing in her life that hurt her the most. (OUCH! Dagger!) But I deserved it. She left a short time later, we exchanged numbers and are hopefully meeting next week for lunch to catch up!
I don't know what even happened, I honestly don't remember. But yesterday was one of the happiest days in my life. Thanks to God, I was able to put my pride aside, do what was entirely hard, but the right thing to do, and in turn, I hope I have my old friend back. What a day!!!
Jun 5, 2010
YEOWZA!
Hello!! Today was a very eventful day for me. I met with our RE again. I thought it was just a routine ultrasound to make sure my body was still doing what it's supposed to do...WRONG! DEAD WRONG!
My appointment was at 9am, so I just took the morning off. After I got there, I realized I maybe should have really paid attention to what this visit was to entail and took the whole day off. When I got into the room, she re-explained what the visit would entail and I just wanted to run from the room!!
This was my trial transfer. She went through the "process" as if we were doing the transfer so she could get some ultrasound pictures and verify that my body was in fact doing what it's supposed to, yada, yada, yada!
She told me that I would experience some uncomfortable times. Well, uncomfortable was not the correct wording. I came to school with this AWFUL bloating feeling and had to ward off kids from their hugs! Second graders are the perfect height to grip you right around your stomach area. The pain turned into this major feeling of bloating and I felt as if I had to take the biggest poo in my life! Thank goodness I had scheduled a massage at the chiropractor after school. So, she helped to alleviate some of the pain.
It's 2am right now (I fell asleep at 9 and now I'm WIDE awake!) and the pain has diminished a little. I still have some bloating and now it feels like I just need to toot. Hopefully overnight I will find some comfort.
Good news is, everything looked great. Utereus was looking fine, the entry to get in was no problem, other than the fact she told me my bladder was a little too full (I think I peed for 5 minutes after the ultrasound), she even said my ovaries are looking good! So, even though I'm having some stomach issues, I'm excited. We're off and running!
As for the adoption, we sent in the embryo paperwork. I talked with a lady from the agency though and she told me that although we are doing the embryo adoption, in order to get the home study arranged, we have to fill out the domestic paperwork. UGh! I wish I would've known that sooner. I'm not kidding, the domestic paperwork is about an inch thick, with a questionnaire for each Jesse and I to complete. The questionnaire is so in depth and makes you soulsearch a bit. I am just about finished with mine. Of course the two questions I'm stumped on are what are my strengths? And what strengths do you bring to your marriage? I'm hoping to have my questions done this weekend, so I can assist Jess in finishing up his.
So, as it stands, part of the paperwork is in. The other part is in the works. I am hoping to have it all complete by next weekend. I'll keep you posted!
My appointment was at 9am, so I just took the morning off. After I got there, I realized I maybe should have really paid attention to what this visit was to entail and took the whole day off. When I got into the room, she re-explained what the visit would entail and I just wanted to run from the room!!
This was my trial transfer. She went through the "process" as if we were doing the transfer so she could get some ultrasound pictures and verify that my body was in fact doing what it's supposed to, yada, yada, yada!
She told me that I would experience some uncomfortable times. Well, uncomfortable was not the correct wording. I came to school with this AWFUL bloating feeling and had to ward off kids from their hugs! Second graders are the perfect height to grip you right around your stomach area. The pain turned into this major feeling of bloating and I felt as if I had to take the biggest poo in my life! Thank goodness I had scheduled a massage at the chiropractor after school. So, she helped to alleviate some of the pain.
It's 2am right now (I fell asleep at 9 and now I'm WIDE awake!) and the pain has diminished a little. I still have some bloating and now it feels like I just need to toot. Hopefully overnight I will find some comfort.
Good news is, everything looked great. Utereus was looking fine, the entry to get in was no problem, other than the fact she told me my bladder was a little too full (I think I peed for 5 minutes after the ultrasound), she even said my ovaries are looking good! So, even though I'm having some stomach issues, I'm excited. We're off and running!
As for the adoption, we sent in the embryo paperwork. I talked with a lady from the agency though and she told me that although we are doing the embryo adoption, in order to get the home study arranged, we have to fill out the domestic paperwork. UGh! I wish I would've known that sooner. I'm not kidding, the domestic paperwork is about an inch thick, with a questionnaire for each Jesse and I to complete. The questionnaire is so in depth and makes you soulsearch a bit. I am just about finished with mine. Of course the two questions I'm stumped on are what are my strengths? And what strengths do you bring to your marriage? I'm hoping to have my questions done this weekend, so I can assist Jess in finishing up his.
So, as it stands, part of the paperwork is in. The other part is in the works. I am hoping to have it all complete by next weekend. I'll keep you posted!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)