Welcome July ICLW!

Hello ICLWers and Hi to all my girls who read this regularly. This is my third time participating in ICLW and I'm so glad that I have. I have found some amazing friends who have been a great support system and provide me a lot of encouragement, I don't know what I'd do without you.

I will not do another ABC this month, but instead give a quick summary of what my husband and I have been dealing with. In January of 07 after almost 3 years of trying, we took the dreaded step of seeing a RE. We found out that our issue was low sperm count and were completely turned of by the RE's quick desire to have us try IVF w. ICSI so soon.

We took a couple years to try natural approaches. We saw a nutritionist who worked with us on providing supplements, changed our diet. We tried seeing an acupuncturist hoping that would work. After almost two years of this lifestyle, I urged my hubby to get a second opinion. I was so optimistic that our hard work would've paid off. We were met with much heartache as we learned that my husband's sperm count was drastically low and our chances of having our own biological child were about 20% with ICSI. We were highly recommended to use a sperm donor to improve our results. (My post titled ROUGH was my post right after for those of you interested.)

So right now my husband and I are faced with a huge decision. Donor sperm or adoption. I feel my heart is telling me to move towards adoption, but my head won't let me completely embrace this. I feel embracing this completely means giving up on ever becoming a pregnant mom. I'm unsure how to get over the desire of being pregnant. I'm afraid I will always look at pregnant women and be envious they were able to do something I will never be able to do. If you are an adoptive mom, did you have these feelings? Do you ever get over it?

I know my ultimate goal is do be a parent and have children and do feel God is pointing me there. I am just struggling to fully accept this. I'm scared.

Sorry to be such a downer on a welcome day, but I'm going through a lot now. I know you have all been there and hopefully will understand!