Thanks for the input. I look forward to seeing you at my new place! :0)
Uploaded with ImageShack.us
Feb 17, 2013
Decision Made...
I've decided to start a new blog. With all that's going on in my life, I think I need to start fresh here too. If people find me, they find me, but I've done my part in protecting those that will say I'm out to bash them. If you would like to follow my journey, please email me at: mmproper@yahoo.com or mmcarrav@gmail.com
Thanks for the input. I look forward to seeing you at my new place! :0)
Uploaded with ImageShack.us
Thanks for the input. I look forward to seeing you at my new place! :0)
Uploaded with ImageShack.us
Jan 20, 2013
What a Difference a Year Makes
Wow!! It's been quite some time. I don't know if any of you still "follow" or care about what's going on. I've got lots to say, but just not sure if I should keep this blog or start a new one. Please comment me if you are at all interested in what's been going on. I'll make my decision based on what I find out! I miss you guys!! It's been WAY too long!
Jan 24, 2012
New Routine
Tomorrow is D-day...back to work. So, today I tried a new morning routine (to see how I'd do if I needed sleep!) I got up at 5am. Well, actually I got up to Emily's fussing at 3:40ish and couldn't fall back asleep after I gave her her bottle, but I tried my best to rest even though I couldn't sleep.
I hit snooze and tried my best to take as LONG as possible for the test drive. I did my usual run of 3 miles and I focused on my legs for a little strength training. I left the gym at 6:10ish and came home to shower and get ready. I shaved in the shower, to make the shower as long as possible and got ready-hair and make up. I had all this done by 7:09am!
I'm hoping that this new routine will be something that I can do at least 3 days a week.
It will allow me my work out time, which I need and also teach Emily the importance of taking care of yourself. I figure from now until she graduates, the afternoons after school and evenings will be busy, so I'm going to try to make my work outs a priority.
The only thing that stinks with my new schedule is I won't have time for my bible time in the morning, but I think this could be a good thing. I will now have time to read it in the evening with my little girl. Again, teaching her that bible time is essential.
I'm hopeful this new routine will work. That way when I leave school to go get my little peanut, we have the whole rest of the afternoon and evening together. I'm thinking I will try to get up at 5 everyday, but on Wednesdays go to work early. I used to stay late one day after school, so if I do it in the morning, hopefully I will be the best teacher, but an even more amazing Mom to my precious girl.
I'm not posting this to brag or say that I've got it all figured out, but I'm posting it here so that you can keep me accountable. Iwant NEED to work out or I lose it. My sanity, that is! I'm just hopeful I can adjust to the new sleep pattern. Emily and I will probably be in bed by 8 together! :0)
I hit snooze and tried my best to take as LONG as possible for the test drive. I did my usual run of 3 miles and I focused on my legs for a little strength training. I left the gym at 6:10ish and came home to shower and get ready. I shaved in the shower, to make the shower as long as possible and got ready-hair and make up. I had all this done by 7:09am!
I'm hoping that this new routine will be something that I can do at least 3 days a week.
It will allow me my work out time, which I need and also teach Emily the importance of taking care of yourself. I figure from now until she graduates, the afternoons after school and evenings will be busy, so I'm going to try to make my work outs a priority.
The only thing that stinks with my new schedule is I won't have time for my bible time in the morning, but I think this could be a good thing. I will now have time to read it in the evening with my little girl. Again, teaching her that bible time is essential.
I'm hopeful this new routine will work. That way when I leave school to go get my little peanut, we have the whole rest of the afternoon and evening together. I'm thinking I will try to get up at 5 everyday, but on Wednesdays go to work early. I used to stay late one day after school, so if I do it in the morning, hopefully I will be the best teacher, but an even more amazing Mom to my precious girl.
I'm not posting this to brag or say that I've got it all figured out, but I'm posting it here so that you can keep me accountable. I
Jan 20, 2012
Praise the LORD!!!
January 20, 2012- this will be one of those days that will forever be burned in my memory. Today is the day that Theresa, Emily's birth mom, signed over her rights. We are so happy and excited to know that our precious little girl is ours. We, obviously, still have the rest of the adoption process to go, but we are pretty sure we'll do fine with our home visits! :0)
Dawn told us that Theresa was very emotional. So, please pray for her and Mark that they will be able to mourn, grieve and deal with their decision. I can't imagine what is going on in their hearts. I think all birth moms and dads are the amazing heroes in an adoption. They love the child so much to give them a life they can't at this time. That is so courageous and loving. Emily will always know how much her birth family loved her.
We are going out to dinner to celebrate with the whole family. I cannot wipe this smile off my face! We are so happy.
It's also hard to believe that Emily will be 2 months old tomorrow. Time sure is flying! She is growing so much. She has about 2 newborn diapers left and that's a good thing. She is moving on to Stage 1! Her newborn clothes are still fitting, but the sleepers are getting really snug. She's got some big ol feet and those toesies are smushed up in the newborn sleepers. She now likes the other Avent pacifiers and thank goodness...she can keep them in better than the Smoothie kind. But, we still rotate them to give her some variety! :0) Her hair is incredible. I had to blow dry it yesterday because I was afraid of it being too wet before we left. She loved it and actually fell asleep. She is LOVING bath time and is starting to enjoy tummy time. She doesn't scream as much anymore! In fact, she's sleeping right next to me on her tummy right now! She started this horrendous screeching when she starts to cry. I think we have a little drama queen on our hands!
I go back to work on Wednesday. I know it will be hard, but the more I've been thinking and praying about it, the more I realize this is good for the both of us. It allows me to do something that I love and contribute to the family fund, as well as giving her time to socialize with other people. It will make the time we have together so much more special (as if that's possible.), too. Jesse will be home on Wednesdays and he will not take her to the sitter until 10ish Mon, Tues, Thurs, and Fri. I will pick her up around 4 most days. That's only 6 hours- 24 hours a week. One day a week she will be without Mommy or Daddy. I think that's really good! I'm trying to look at it half full instead of half empty. I will have to learn how to get all my stuff done at school because I don't want to come home and have tons of things to do. I want to focus on my baby girl!
Life is so good!! This smile is permanent! :0)
Dawn told us that Theresa was very emotional. So, please pray for her and Mark that they will be able to mourn, grieve and deal with their decision. I can't imagine what is going on in their hearts. I think all birth moms and dads are the amazing heroes in an adoption. They love the child so much to give them a life they can't at this time. That is so courageous and loving. Emily will always know how much her birth family loved her.
We are going out to dinner to celebrate with the whole family. I cannot wipe this smile off my face! We are so happy.
It's also hard to believe that Emily will be 2 months old tomorrow. Time sure is flying! She is growing so much. She has about 2 newborn diapers left and that's a good thing. She is moving on to Stage 1! Her newborn clothes are still fitting, but the sleepers are getting really snug. She's got some big ol feet and those toesies are smushed up in the newborn sleepers. She now likes the other Avent pacifiers and thank goodness...she can keep them in better than the Smoothie kind. But, we still rotate them to give her some variety! :0) Her hair is incredible. I had to blow dry it yesterday because I was afraid of it being too wet before we left. She loved it and actually fell asleep. She is LOVING bath time and is starting to enjoy tummy time. She doesn't scream as much anymore! In fact, she's sleeping right next to me on her tummy right now! She started this horrendous screeching when she starts to cry. I think we have a little drama queen on our hands!
I go back to work on Wednesday. I know it will be hard, but the more I've been thinking and praying about it, the more I realize this is good for the both of us. It allows me to do something that I love and contribute to the family fund, as well as giving her time to socialize with other people. It will make the time we have together so much more special (as if that's possible.), too. Jesse will be home on Wednesdays and he will not take her to the sitter until 10ish Mon, Tues, Thurs, and Fri. I will pick her up around 4 most days. That's only 6 hours- 24 hours a week. One day a week she will be without Mommy or Daddy. I think that's really good! I'm trying to look at it half full instead of half empty. I will have to learn how to get all my stuff done at school because I don't want to come home and have tons of things to do. I want to focus on my baby girl!
Life is so good!! This smile is permanent! :0)
Jan 14, 2012
How Ironic
Shortly after Emily came home, Jesse mentioned to me that he wanted to get in shape this year. It kinda made me laugh...I've been trying to get him to take better care of himself for awhile and now my little peanut is finally making him see. Hey, I guess whatever it takes! :0)
He told me that he wanted to run the half marathon that I ran this past April this coming April and asked if I'd help him train. (He only did the relay this past April.) Then he dropped the bomb that he wanted to run the Detroit Free Press marathon in October. I just about spit out my drink at those words. What?? Really? Okay. I'll support him, but there's no way I'm doing a marathon. I'll do another half, but a marathon...come on!
So, Sunday we finally got back to church! YES!! Well, we walk in and our friends bombard us with these papers and are going on and on about running a marathon in October. The church is sponsoring a church-wide group to run the Chicago marathon. I couldn't help but giggle. God was reaffirming Jesse's idea. But not only was he reaffirming it for him, he was making me think- maybe I could do it too?! Each mile that a person runs (with fundraising) will provide a water for a person in Africa. Just a little ironic, dontcha think?
The other funny thing was I've been nagging (yes, I admit full fledged, on his butt, nagging) Jesse about drinking pop. All the sugar and caffeine and crap. I kept telling him how very bad it was for him. Well, I got a scale for Christmas from a friend and he weighed himself. He's down almost 20 pounds. He's been sick, but 20 pounds?!? I asked him what he's been doing differently. At first he said he wasn't sure. Then he pointed to some pop that we had on the counter when friends came over and he said, "I think not drinking that stuff has helped too!" I couldn't help but do the told ya so on him for that one!
One more bonus to our special little girl- she's helping Daddy to become healthier! I think Miss Em and I are making a great duo teaming up on Daddy! :0)
He told me that he wanted to run the half marathon that I ran this past April this coming April and asked if I'd help him train. (He only did the relay this past April.) Then he dropped the bomb that he wanted to run the Detroit Free Press marathon in October. I just about spit out my drink at those words. What?? Really? Okay. I'll support him, but there's no way I'm doing a marathon. I'll do another half, but a marathon...come on!
So, Sunday we finally got back to church! YES!! Well, we walk in and our friends bombard us with these papers and are going on and on about running a marathon in October. The church is sponsoring a church-wide group to run the Chicago marathon. I couldn't help but giggle. God was reaffirming Jesse's idea. But not only was he reaffirming it for him, he was making me think- maybe I could do it too?! Each mile that a person runs (with fundraising) will provide a water for a person in Africa. Just a little ironic, dontcha think?
The other funny thing was I've been nagging (yes, I admit full fledged, on his butt, nagging) Jesse about drinking pop. All the sugar and caffeine and crap. I kept telling him how very bad it was for him. Well, I got a scale for Christmas from a friend and he weighed himself. He's down almost 20 pounds. He's been sick, but 20 pounds?!? I asked him what he's been doing differently. At first he said he wasn't sure. Then he pointed to some pop that we had on the counter when friends came over and he said, "I think not drinking that stuff has helped too!" I couldn't help but do the told ya so on him for that one!
One more bonus to our special little girl- she's helping Daddy to become healthier! I think Miss Em and I are making a great duo teaming up on Daddy! :0)
Jan 12, 2012
Emily Ilene
I just realized that I never posted Emily's name. She is such a blessing. We love the little peanut so much! The day after she was born, Dawn from the agency, kept calling because they needed her name. Jesse and I couldn't decide. It was either Emily or Olivia. We have a friend with a daughter named Olivia and I have always LOVED Emily. (Sparty's name at the rescue before we brought her home was Emily, but I was adamant about changing it because I loved the name! Who knew!) So, finally, after agonizing about it, we decided on Emily. I was so afraid of naming her. After we said it, there was no going back! That was a lot of pressure.
As for Ilene, those of you who have been following our journey, know that we lost a dear family friend the weekend before we got the call that we were matched with Miss Em. We both felt that Trish had something to do with us being matched, but neither of us liked the name Patricia...(we worked with a Patricia when we were dating that drove us both INSANE!) Trish didn't seem the right name, but then we remembered that Trish's middle name was Ilene. That's when we knew- Emily Ilene.
********************************
Things have been going well over here. Jesse got sick and Emily's been a little fussy the past few days. I really hope she isn't catching what he had.
I'm dreading January 25th. That's back to work day! I never thought I'd not want to go back. I always thought I'd need to work, but after being home these past few weeks, I'm dreading going back. I can't imagine leaving this little girl! I'm so sad about it. The only thing getting me through is that I know Winter break is a few weeks after I go back. Then we have Easter break. By the time we get back from that, we will be on the down slide of the year. Please pray for me...I'm really struggling.
Next Friday is the court date. I'm getting anxious and hoping that everything goes as expected. It's pretty nerve-wrecking! We are so in love with this little girl and can't imagine our lives without her! We are just praying for God to take control and allow us to trust in Him!
As for Ilene, those of you who have been following our journey, know that we lost a dear family friend the weekend before we got the call that we were matched with Miss Em. We both felt that Trish had something to do with us being matched, but neither of us liked the name Patricia...(we worked with a Patricia when we were dating that drove us both INSANE!) Trish didn't seem the right name, but then we remembered that Trish's middle name was Ilene. That's when we knew- Emily Ilene.
********************************
Things have been going well over here. Jesse got sick and Emily's been a little fussy the past few days. I really hope she isn't catching what he had.
I'm dreading January 25th. That's back to work day! I never thought I'd not want to go back. I always thought I'd need to work, but after being home these past few weeks, I'm dreading going back. I can't imagine leaving this little girl! I'm so sad about it. The only thing getting me through is that I know Winter break is a few weeks after I go back. Then we have Easter break. By the time we get back from that, we will be on the down slide of the year. Please pray for me...I'm really struggling.
Next Friday is the court date. I'm getting anxious and hoping that everything goes as expected. It's pretty nerve-wrecking! We are so in love with this little girl and can't imagine our lives without her! We are just praying for God to take control and allow us to trust in Him!
Huge Blogger Give Away!!
The Blog Designer Network has a HUGE blogger give away! You can win fonts, credits from istockphoto, gift certificate to MyGrafico and much, MUCH more!!! Check it out!!
Jan 6, 2012
Awesome GIVEAWAY!!
Hey all you teacher bloggers! Christina Bainbridge is one of my FAVORITE teacher bloggers and I follow her on my school blog. She is having a huge giveaway that ends tomorrow morning. Be sure to check out her blog to enter to win!
Dec 27, 2011
Date...FINALLY!
Soooooo excited!! But a little nervous and annoyed. We just got a call from our adoption worker that our birthmom FINALLY has her court date. It's set for January 20th at 2pm. I was hoping it would've been sooner, but I have faith that God will provide and everything will be okay. I just read a blogger who wrote "Let your faith be bigger than your fear." That will be my mantra for the next month or so!
Dec 26, 2011
November 21, 2011 Part 3
Sorry it has taken me so long to complete this story. With the holidays and all the craziness of a newborn, life has been pretty hectic...but I'm NOT complaining!!!!!
So, we went home on Thanksgiving to have dinner with Jesse's family and for us to get some things done at home. We knew that rounds were done at 9am each morning, but because they were so busy in the NICU, Jesse decided he'd go in to work and I would take the dogs for a walk and go to the gym while we waited. I planned on calling the hospital around 11, just to give them time and to not be those parents! But, as I was walking out the front door with the dogs, my cell phone rang. It was a number with the Grand Rapids area code, so I answered. It was the wonderful nurse, Ellen. She had called to tell us that our dear, precious Emily was ready to go home. I was beyond excited! I told her we probably wouldn't be able to head up there until noon, so we wouldn't get there til probably 3 or so.
I walked out the door and nearly skipped the whole time walking the dogs. (I did call Jesse before I left.) Jesse came home around noon and we were off shortly after. The drive there was agonizing. I just couldn't wait to bring our baby girl home.
In a ride that seemed like forever, we FINALLY got there. The adoption worker was there and we were allowed to change Emily into her outfit and feed her. It took us some time, but after we did, we were allowed to leave. My cousin and her family came to see Emily. My little godson, Pete, was adorable. He saw her and said, "hi, baby!" When she didn't respond, he looked up at me with a look of disgust and said, "she doesn't talk?!" We all laughed and explained to him that she would talk in time.
Ellen, by law, had to walk Emily out to the car and hand her to the adoption worker. The adoption worker, then had to hand her to us! We were beside ourselves with joy. We took some pictures and took off on the longest journey yet...coming home! I sat in the back seat to make sure our little peanut was okay. Since it was nearly 6 pm by the time we left, it was dark, so every half hour or so, I'd ask Jesse to turn on the light so I could make sure that Emily was okay.
We had to stop at Target to pick up some more formula. (We didn't realize the hospital gave us any, or we wouldn't have stopped on BLACK FRIDAY!) It was pretty painless and we were back on the road.
We got home to Jesse's family waiting for us. That night was amazing. We didn't get much sleep and we set the alarm every 3 hours...DUMB! But, we are first time parents, so we had to go through all the trials and errors on our own.
We were so happy to finally have our baby girl at home. Where she belonged. The dogs were instantly protective of her and wanted to be around her all the time. It was a dream come true.
So, we went home on Thanksgiving to have dinner with Jesse's family and for us to get some things done at home. We knew that rounds were done at 9am each morning, but because they were so busy in the NICU, Jesse decided he'd go in to work and I would take the dogs for a walk and go to the gym while we waited. I planned on calling the hospital around 11, just to give them time and to not be those parents! But, as I was walking out the front door with the dogs, my cell phone rang. It was a number with the Grand Rapids area code, so I answered. It was the wonderful nurse, Ellen. She had called to tell us that our dear, precious Emily was ready to go home. I was beyond excited! I told her we probably wouldn't be able to head up there until noon, so we wouldn't get there til probably 3 or so.
I walked out the door and nearly skipped the whole time walking the dogs. (I did call Jesse before I left.) Jesse came home around noon and we were off shortly after. The drive there was agonizing. I just couldn't wait to bring our baby girl home.
In a ride that seemed like forever, we FINALLY got there. The adoption worker was there and we were allowed to change Emily into her outfit and feed her. It took us some time, but after we did, we were allowed to leave. My cousin and her family came to see Emily. My little godson, Pete, was adorable. He saw her and said, "hi, baby!" When she didn't respond, he looked up at me with a look of disgust and said, "she doesn't talk?!" We all laughed and explained to him that she would talk in time.
Ellen, by law, had to walk Emily out to the car and hand her to the adoption worker. The adoption worker, then had to hand her to us! We were beside ourselves with joy. We took some pictures and took off on the longest journey yet...coming home! I sat in the back seat to make sure our little peanut was okay. Since it was nearly 6 pm by the time we left, it was dark, so every half hour or so, I'd ask Jesse to turn on the light so I could make sure that Emily was okay.
We had to stop at Target to pick up some more formula. (We didn't realize the hospital gave us any, or we wouldn't have stopped on BLACK FRIDAY!) It was pretty painless and we were back on the road.
We got home to Jesse's family waiting for us. That night was amazing. We didn't get much sleep and we set the alarm every 3 hours...DUMB! But, we are first time parents, so we had to go through all the trials and errors on our own.
We were so happy to finally have our baby girl at home. Where she belonged. The dogs were instantly protective of her and wanted to be around her all the time. It was a dream come true.
This is Pete wearing his best!
My cousin, Christina's family
Getting ready for the ride home
All safe and secure
Emily and Grandma P
Auntie Betty
Auntie Mare Mare
Dec 8, 2011
November 21, 2011 Part 2
That night was insane. Jesse was scrambling to get the car seat installed. I began washing everything we had received already. At around ten in the evening, my cousin texted me with go out on your porch. I went out there to find a huge basket full of goodies. My cousins who live an hour away rushed up to the store and bought us a ton of things for Emily. I was so touched. Another friend dropped off the bassinet for us to borrow. It was such an amazing night.
Tuesday was rough. I knew I had to go into work, but all I could think about was getting to Grand Rapids to see our daughter. My sub came to school that day. Bless her heart. It was such an insane day, she looked like a deer in headlights. I had no time to prepare anything for her and I know I was so scattered. I just kept saying, "Don't worry. My teaching partner will help you!"
That day I had a publishing party with my students and parents. I knew I had to share the news with them, but I was terrified. I didn't know if they would be upset...I didn't care if they were, but I just didn't know what to expect. So, I told them that we were chosen and that our baby was due December 8th, but we had no control over the due date and our daughter was born the night before. When I said those words, the whole room gasped. It was amazing. I somehow held it together. Parents were so supportive and caring. A few parents rushed home to get me some essentials that I would need. I have the best job ever!!
I called Dawn after the school day ended. We weren't sure what the plan was. Were we rushing up there that night? Would we wait til Wednesday? What? What? What? Well, Dawn said the birth grandmother wanted to say good-bye to Emily and she was coming up after work on Tuesday and Theresa still hadn't been discharged. We had set up a time to meet at the hospital on Wednesday at 1pm.
Tuesday night a couple really good friends, Adelaide and Stacie, came over to help get things organized. They helped me finish get all the clothes ready, set up her room and just celebrate that our baby girl was born. Another friend, who is a car seat engineer, Kimmy, came over to inspect the car seat and make sure we did it right. I crashed on the couch as everyone was helping get things organized.
Wednesday morning was insane. I got up and got ready. Jess went out to run a few errands, so I passed the time cleaning the house. Finally we left at about 9:30. That drive was the LONGEST drive of my life. I was on pins and needles. I was so nervous. I was afraid. How would our daughter respond to us? Would I be a terrible mother? I had all these thoughts running through my brain, so I tried to silence them by reading, but nothing quite settled me.
We got there a little early and waited and waited and waited for Linda, the pregnancy counselor to arrive. She, of course, was about 20 minutes late and when she walked in, she proceeded to tell us that never in her 23 years of doing this had she experienced this...the hospital was not going to release the baby to us because they had an adoption go bad recently and all the paperwork didn't have identifying information on it since it was a closed adoption. The hospital worker had their lawyer in on it. I was thinking, "YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME?!" But, she said sign these papers and hopefully it will all go through.
All I could think was, "Can anything run smoothly for us in this process????"
We finally got up to see our little girl and she was an angel. I immediately bent down to kiss her and the nurse handed her to me. I had a smile the size of Texas. All my fears faded as I held her for the first time. She was our baby girl. I was mesmerized! Watching Jesse hold her was very emotional. He never held a baby and seeing him hold Emily made it more real...this was happening.
We spent the whole day sitting with her and kissing her and holding her and loving her. We also had to do some training things before she was allowed to leave with us. So, I was all about getting our list crossed off! We sat there all day. We didn't leave at all. But, by 8ish, we were getting hungry. So, we kissed our baby and told the nurses we'd be back in the morning.
We went to grab something to eat and then crashed at my cousin's house. (She lived 10 minutes from the hospital.) I texted Dawn about what the deal was with Emily being allowed to leave with us. She called me back at 10 to talk. I was so impressed. She told us that everything was all set and when Emily was ready to go home, she would be going home with us!!!
I didn't sleep well that night. All I could think about was Emily at the hospital and us not being there. Morning couldn't come fast enough. And when it did, I couldn't get to the hospital fast enough!! When we got there, the doctor asked us where we stayed for the night and if we had any questions. We were both very impressed with how nice he was. He said they were running behind with the rounds, but they'd begin soon. We went in and loved on our girl for awhile. We learned from the day before and went down to grab some turkey to eat before the docs did the rounds.
When we came back, they told us that Emily would not be going home that day. Her umbilical cord was a little inflamed and they wanted to make sure it wasn't infected. They wanted to watch her breathing a little more and make sure she was eating extremely well. He said the earliest would be tomorrow, Saturday at the latest! As the doctor walked away, the nurse said she would do everything in her power to get her home on Friday, the next day.
We stayed with Emily until 2ish and then decided to come home for Thanksgiving dinner, get some clothes and head back up. It was hard leaving her, but I knew she was in good hands.
Tuesday was rough. I knew I had to go into work, but all I could think about was getting to Grand Rapids to see our daughter. My sub came to school that day. Bless her heart. It was such an insane day, she looked like a deer in headlights. I had no time to prepare anything for her and I know I was so scattered. I just kept saying, "Don't worry. My teaching partner will help you!"
That day I had a publishing party with my students and parents. I knew I had to share the news with them, but I was terrified. I didn't know if they would be upset...I didn't care if they were, but I just didn't know what to expect. So, I told them that we were chosen and that our baby was due December 8th, but we had no control over the due date and our daughter was born the night before. When I said those words, the whole room gasped. It was amazing. I somehow held it together. Parents were so supportive and caring. A few parents rushed home to get me some essentials that I would need. I have the best job ever!!
I called Dawn after the school day ended. We weren't sure what the plan was. Were we rushing up there that night? Would we wait til Wednesday? What? What? What? Well, Dawn said the birth grandmother wanted to say good-bye to Emily and she was coming up after work on Tuesday and Theresa still hadn't been discharged. We had set up a time to meet at the hospital on Wednesday at 1pm.
Tuesday night a couple really good friends, Adelaide and Stacie, came over to help get things organized. They helped me finish get all the clothes ready, set up her room and just celebrate that our baby girl was born. Another friend, who is a car seat engineer, Kimmy, came over to inspect the car seat and make sure we did it right. I crashed on the couch as everyone was helping get things organized.
Wednesday morning was insane. I got up and got ready. Jess went out to run a few errands, so I passed the time cleaning the house. Finally we left at about 9:30. That drive was the LONGEST drive of my life. I was on pins and needles. I was so nervous. I was afraid. How would our daughter respond to us? Would I be a terrible mother? I had all these thoughts running through my brain, so I tried to silence them by reading, but nothing quite settled me.
We got there a little early and waited and waited and waited for Linda, the pregnancy counselor to arrive. She, of course, was about 20 minutes late and when she walked in, she proceeded to tell us that never in her 23 years of doing this had she experienced this...the hospital was not going to release the baby to us because they had an adoption go bad recently and all the paperwork didn't have identifying information on it since it was a closed adoption. The hospital worker had their lawyer in on it. I was thinking, "YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME?!" But, she said sign these papers and hopefully it will all go through.
All I could think was, "Can anything run smoothly for us in this process????"
We finally got up to see our little girl and she was an angel. I immediately bent down to kiss her and the nurse handed her to me. I had a smile the size of Texas. All my fears faded as I held her for the first time. She was our baby girl. I was mesmerized! Watching Jesse hold her was very emotional. He never held a baby and seeing him hold Emily made it more real...this was happening.
We spent the whole day sitting with her and kissing her and holding her and loving her. We also had to do some training things before she was allowed to leave with us. So, I was all about getting our list crossed off! We sat there all day. We didn't leave at all. But, by 8ish, we were getting hungry. So, we kissed our baby and told the nurses we'd be back in the morning.
We went to grab something to eat and then crashed at my cousin's house. (She lived 10 minutes from the hospital.) I texted Dawn about what the deal was with Emily being allowed to leave with us. She called me back at 10 to talk. I was so impressed. She told us that everything was all set and when Emily was ready to go home, she would be going home with us!!!
I didn't sleep well that night. All I could think about was Emily at the hospital and us not being there. Morning couldn't come fast enough. And when it did, I couldn't get to the hospital fast enough!! When we got there, the doctor asked us where we stayed for the night and if we had any questions. We were both very impressed with how nice he was. He said they were running behind with the rounds, but they'd begin soon. We went in and loved on our girl for awhile. We learned from the day before and went down to grab some turkey to eat before the docs did the rounds.
When we came back, they told us that Emily would not be going home that day. Her umbilical cord was a little inflamed and they wanted to make sure it wasn't infected. They wanted to watch her breathing a little more and make sure she was eating extremely well. He said the earliest would be tomorrow, Saturday at the latest! As the doctor walked away, the nurse said she would do everything in her power to get her home on Friday, the next day.
We stayed with Emily until 2ish and then decided to come home for Thanksgiving dinner, get some clothes and head back up. It was hard leaving her, but I knew she was in good hands.
Dec 2, 2011
November 21, 2011 Part 1
November 21, 2011...The day our lives changed forever! Let me do a little back story. On Tuesday, November 15th, we received a call from our adoption worker that our birth mom was missing. She had a history of drug abuse, however, cleaned up after learning she was pregnant. We were told she relapsed. No one knew where she was or when she'd return. Oh, and Nov. 15th was one of my parent-teacher conference days. I still don't know how I got through that?!
We heard nothing at all the rest of the week and, of course, nothing over the weekend. We had no idea where she was or what to think. I made the mistake of watching a horrible show called Cell Block 6- Female Ward that Saturday while I was at the gym. HUGE mistake! It put even more horrible thoughts in my head as to where and what our birth mother was up to!
Needless to say, by Monday, I was low. Really low. I came into work and told the girls I was so over the adoption process. I mean, I felt so close, but so far. How do you lose a birth mother? A 9 month pregnant birth mother, no less?
So, I called our adoption worker in the morning telling her how discouraged and hopeless I was feeling. She said she would call the Grand Rapids office and fill us in. At lunchtime, she called to tell me that they had found the birth mother and she had been staying at a hotel and was safe. We found out that the birth father we had thought all along was the birth father might not be the birth father. She admitted and told her boyfriend (the man we thought was the birth father) that there was a possibility of another birth father and snapped because she couldn't handle the stress. So that was a lot to handle, but I felt good that at least she was okay.
Our adoption worker asked if I would like to have a conference call with the pregnancy counselor in Grand Rapids. The Grand Rapids lady would NOT call us directly. She would call our adoption worker and she would have to get a hold of us. I thought that was pretty dumb...Why couldn't she just contact us directly? So, I talked to Jesse and we were going to set up a conference call for Wednesday. Dawn, our adoption worker, said she'd call back after she talked to Linda, the Grand Rapids pregnancy counselor.
My phone went off at 3:05, just as the kids were doing their jobs, chaos was ensuing in my room, so I answered it expecting Dawn to tell me that we had a set conference call for Wednesday. That is NOT what Dawn told me. She said instead, "Hi, Michelle. We just got a call from Linda. Mark (the boyfriend) called to tell us that Theresa (birth mom) was admitted to the hospital." Oh, great, now what? was my first thought! "Theresa is in labor!" What? Did she just say what I think she said? The next few minutes were a complete blur?! Kids were running around the room. I could barely listen to Dawn, my heart was pounding so hard! Our baby was on the way!!
I somehow made it through the kids leaving. Screamed the news to my friends and Jesse and then proceeded to figure things out with my principal about my sub and all the formalities of my leave. Then I walked aimlessly around my classroom not sure what to do next. After about an hour, I left and went to the chiropractor. I definitely needed an adjustment after this! I left my phone in the car to charge, since it was practically dead after all my phone calls.
When I was leaving I noticed I had missed a call from Dawn. The message said something like this, "Hi, Michelle. It's Dawn. Theresa delivered the baby. You have a daughter!" I was driving down the freeway and tears were streaming down my face!! I had a daughter!!! Me, a mother!! FINALLY!! I called Jesse and said, "our baby was just born. Come home!" He said, "okay, I'm on the way." and hung up. I laughed to myself as the phone started ringing immediately because I knew what he was going to ask, "what do we have?" When I told him a girl. I could hear the joy in his voice.
When Jesse came home, I hugged him and cried my eyes out. FINALLY!! Our baby was born!!! We finished sorting things in the nursery and getting things ready around the house. We weren't sure when we'd be able to go to the hospital. Since it is a closed adoption, we would have to wait until Theresa was discharged to go there. I asked Dawn if I should take Tuesday off and she said no, there wasn't anything we would be able to do, so she didn't want me to waste my day off.
I will continue the story later, but I will leave you with some pictures of our baby girl!
We heard nothing at all the rest of the week and, of course, nothing over the weekend. We had no idea where she was or what to think. I made the mistake of watching a horrible show called Cell Block 6- Female Ward that Saturday while I was at the gym. HUGE mistake! It put even more horrible thoughts in my head as to where and what our birth mother was up to!
Needless to say, by Monday, I was low. Really low. I came into work and told the girls I was so over the adoption process. I mean, I felt so close, but so far. How do you lose a birth mother? A 9 month pregnant birth mother, no less?
So, I called our adoption worker in the morning telling her how discouraged and hopeless I was feeling. She said she would call the Grand Rapids office and fill us in. At lunchtime, she called to tell me that they had found the birth mother and she had been staying at a hotel and was safe. We found out that the birth father we had thought all along was the birth father might not be the birth father. She admitted and told her boyfriend (the man we thought was the birth father) that there was a possibility of another birth father and snapped because she couldn't handle the stress. So that was a lot to handle, but I felt good that at least she was okay.
Our adoption worker asked if I would like to have a conference call with the pregnancy counselor in Grand Rapids. The Grand Rapids lady would NOT call us directly. She would call our adoption worker and she would have to get a hold of us. I thought that was pretty dumb...Why couldn't she just contact us directly? So, I talked to Jesse and we were going to set up a conference call for Wednesday. Dawn, our adoption worker, said she'd call back after she talked to Linda, the Grand Rapids pregnancy counselor.
My phone went off at 3:05, just as the kids were doing their jobs, chaos was ensuing in my room, so I answered it expecting Dawn to tell me that we had a set conference call for Wednesday. That is NOT what Dawn told me. She said instead, "Hi, Michelle. We just got a call from Linda. Mark (the boyfriend) called to tell us that Theresa (birth mom) was admitted to the hospital." Oh, great, now what? was my first thought! "Theresa is in labor!" What? Did she just say what I think she said? The next few minutes were a complete blur?! Kids were running around the room. I could barely listen to Dawn, my heart was pounding so hard! Our baby was on the way!!
I somehow made it through the kids leaving. Screamed the news to my friends and Jesse and then proceeded to figure things out with my principal about my sub and all the formalities of my leave. Then I walked aimlessly around my classroom not sure what to do next. After about an hour, I left and went to the chiropractor. I definitely needed an adjustment after this! I left my phone in the car to charge, since it was practically dead after all my phone calls.
When I was leaving I noticed I had missed a call from Dawn. The message said something like this, "Hi, Michelle. It's Dawn. Theresa delivered the baby. You have a daughter!" I was driving down the freeway and tears were streaming down my face!! I had a daughter!!! Me, a mother!! FINALLY!! I called Jesse and said, "our baby was just born. Come home!" He said, "okay, I'm on the way." and hung up. I laughed to myself as the phone started ringing immediately because I knew what he was going to ask, "what do we have?" When I told him a girl. I could hear the joy in his voice.
When Jesse came home, I hugged him and cried my eyes out. FINALLY!! Our baby was born!!! We finished sorting things in the nursery and getting things ready around the house. We weren't sure when we'd be able to go to the hospital. Since it is a closed adoption, we would have to wait until Theresa was discharged to go there. I asked Dawn if I should take Tuesday off and she said no, there wasn't anything we would be able to do, so she didn't want me to waste my day off.
I will continue the story later, but I will leave you with some pictures of our baby girl!
Nov 21, 2011
She's HERE!
What a crazy day! It started off with me emailing the agency saying I was so frustrated with everything and ended with the birth of our daughter!! We are parents!! Our daughter, name still yet to be determined, was born today, November 21, 2011 at 4:20 pm. She weighed 5 1/2 lbs with jet black hair. We aren't able to meet her yet. Due to our adoption being closed, we have to wait until birthmom is discharged.
This is insane!!! I'm a flippin mother!!! AHHHHHHHHHH!!! Details and pictures to come!! Love you guys!!
This is insane!!! I'm a flippin mother!!! AHHHHHHHHHH!!! Details and pictures to come!! Love you guys!!
Nov 10, 2011
Negativity
I don't know why I'm so surprised. God is amazing! I have been struggling with negativity in my life. It has been convicting me for quite awhile, but it's such a hard habit to break. It's hard to not get wrapped up with the drama of things that happen in school or to not let the garbage you hear about what's coming down the line in education to not affect you. It's hard, and I've been failing hard core.
Yesterday, I was so upset because of things that happened at school...
Then I go to small group and the card we have to apply this week is Replace Negativity. Hello, God, I know you're talking to me. Every time a negative thought enters our head, we have to replace the complaint with something of gratitude. I have my watch on the wrong wrist as a visual reminder. I do not want to be this negative person.
As if that wasn't enough last night, I sit down to read my devotional and bible this morning and the devotional is "Emotions: Who's In Charge of Yours?" Seriously? I am so getting this and not messing this up! I don't want the world's opinions to drive my emotions, I want to be a positive person who people seek. I know this will be extremely hard for me, but I am willing to take on the challenge. I pray that God will be with me and allow me to break one more thing in the cycle Jesse and I have set out to break in our families. Negativity is a huge one in my family. I don't want to follow the path of family members before me. I am willing to create my own path, knocking down barriers that will be there to stop me and make me fail. I know this will be hard, but I know with God's strength, this is something I can overcome.
Today, and everyday, Lord, I pray that you allow me to stop focusing on the negative of this world and allow me to see the bigger picture. The problems that consume my life are not my life. You are. Please help me to stop focusing on what the world, my community and my co-workers deem important. What is most important to me is You and Your Love. Your son died for my sins and that is an ultimate gift. I pray that when negative thoughts enter my mind, you give me the strength to see past them. I need your guidance to shift the lens off of me and my problems and focus them outward. Help me to see the beauty in every day and in everything. Please be with me. In Jesus' name I pray.
Yesterday, I was so upset because of things that happened at school...
Then I go to small group and the card we have to apply this week is Replace Negativity. Hello, God, I know you're talking to me. Every time a negative thought enters our head, we have to replace the complaint with something of gratitude. I have my watch on the wrong wrist as a visual reminder. I do not want to be this negative person.
As if that wasn't enough last night, I sit down to read my devotional and bible this morning and the devotional is "Emotions: Who's In Charge of Yours?" Seriously? I am so getting this and not messing this up! I don't want the world's opinions to drive my emotions, I want to be a positive person who people seek. I know this will be extremely hard for me, but I am willing to take on the challenge. I pray that God will be with me and allow me to break one more thing in the cycle Jesse and I have set out to break in our families. Negativity is a huge one in my family. I don't want to follow the path of family members before me. I am willing to create my own path, knocking down barriers that will be there to stop me and make me fail. I know this will be hard, but I know with God's strength, this is something I can overcome.
Today, and everyday, Lord, I pray that you allow me to stop focusing on the negative of this world and allow me to see the bigger picture. The problems that consume my life are not my life. You are. Please help me to stop focusing on what the world, my community and my co-workers deem important. What is most important to me is You and Your Love. Your son died for my sins and that is an ultimate gift. I pray that when negative thoughts enter my mind, you give me the strength to see past them. I need your guidance to shift the lens off of me and my problems and focus them outward. Help me to see the beauty in every day and in everything. Please be with me. In Jesus' name I pray.
Nov 5, 2011
I Have to Get This Out
I have had something on my heart for awhile and I hope that God gives me the words to say it the way my heart intends for it to come across. Trish is in heaven and the day after we said our final good-bye, we got the call about our baby. I have found this to be extremely weird. Our prayers were answered when God took Trish to be home with him. I find this strange.
What I find the most strange, is I have had a feeling for quite some time now that when Trish passed, our baby would be on the way. I can't explain it, it's just some sinking feeling I had deep down in my core. This feeling was so strong that at the memorial last Thursday, I was looking into Trish's eyes in the beautiful portrait that was there and I found myself thanking her. I had no idea that the next day would be the day that would change our lives forever, but I felt that Trish had to go for this to happen. I knew in my heart that Trish would have some way of "making it happen."
I hope I am doing this post justice. I, by NO means, was hoping for Trish to go. I would have prayed for her to stay with us forever. That's why it was so hard for me to pray the prayer Stacie, her daughter-in-law and our friend, asked us to pray. She asked us to pray that the pain go away and if that meant her going to heaven, then that was God's will. I fought that prayer with tears streaming down my face and yelling, "no!" But, after the shock of the possibility of losing Trish faded a little, I felt a sense of calm. A calm that I was fighting God's will and that is a losing battle. Trish was in a lot of pain and how selfish of me to pray for her to stay her when I could pray for the pain to go away. So, I mustered up all the courage I had to pray those words.
Trish was an important person in my life. She was one of those people who never wanted the spotlight, she was happy sitting on the sidelines cheering everyone on. I have NO DOUBT in my mind, she is up in heaven smiling down and cheering us on as we await our new baby. The only thing that breaks my heart more is that Trish will never get to hold our baby and love on it the way she loved on every baby she ever came across. But I know that Trish is happy we got the call. I don't know why I'm crying so hard right now, because I know she up there smiling and telling me how silly I am right now. But, I can't help but feel a little guilty. We lost someone dear to both Jesse and me and then we also got the best news in the world, but I can't help but wonder if this is all true. Did Trish have to go for our prayers to be answered?
This is supposed to be a happy time for me, but I'm having a hard time. I don't care what anyone says, I know in my heart that Trish had a part in this and I don't think I'll ever be able to express how much Trish means to me and how much I love her!
What I find the most strange, is I have had a feeling for quite some time now that when Trish passed, our baby would be on the way. I can't explain it, it's just some sinking feeling I had deep down in my core. This feeling was so strong that at the memorial last Thursday, I was looking into Trish's eyes in the beautiful portrait that was there and I found myself thanking her. I had no idea that the next day would be the day that would change our lives forever, but I felt that Trish had to go for this to happen. I knew in my heart that Trish would have some way of "making it happen."
I hope I am doing this post justice. I, by NO means, was hoping for Trish to go. I would have prayed for her to stay with us forever. That's why it was so hard for me to pray the prayer Stacie, her daughter-in-law and our friend, asked us to pray. She asked us to pray that the pain go away and if that meant her going to heaven, then that was God's will. I fought that prayer with tears streaming down my face and yelling, "no!" But, after the shock of the possibility of losing Trish faded a little, I felt a sense of calm. A calm that I was fighting God's will and that is a losing battle. Trish was in a lot of pain and how selfish of me to pray for her to stay her when I could pray for the pain to go away. So, I mustered up all the courage I had to pray those words.
Trish was an important person in my life. She was one of those people who never wanted the spotlight, she was happy sitting on the sidelines cheering everyone on. I have NO DOUBT in my mind, she is up in heaven smiling down and cheering us on as we await our new baby. The only thing that breaks my heart more is that Trish will never get to hold our baby and love on it the way she loved on every baby she ever came across. But I know that Trish is happy we got the call. I don't know why I'm crying so hard right now, because I know she up there smiling and telling me how silly I am right now. But, I can't help but feel a little guilty. We lost someone dear to both Jesse and me and then we also got the best news in the world, but I can't help but wonder if this is all true. Did Trish have to go for our prayers to be answered?
This is supposed to be a happy time for me, but I'm having a hard time. I don't care what anyone says, I know in my heart that Trish had a part in this and I don't think I'll ever be able to express how much Trish means to me and how much I love her!
Nov 1, 2011
Pinch Me!
I feel like the past few days has been a dream. Did Friday really happen?? I had to get a hold of the adoption worker just to hear her talk and make sure that I didn't imagine it.
No, it's real. Some new information I found out is the birth family wants no interaction with us at all in the hospital. We will not be allowed contact with the baby until point of discharge to eliminate the possibility of a run-in with us and the birth family. Booo!! That will be hard, but I'm sure we'll survive.
I also asked about the sex of the baby. That is unknown. The birthmom doesn't want to know that at this time.
That's the status so far. I think I'm going to try and get a good night's sleep. I haven't slept well since Friday!! Seriously, am I dreaming...someone pinch me!
No, it's real. Some new information I found out is the birth family wants no interaction with us at all in the hospital. We will not be allowed contact with the baby until point of discharge to eliminate the possibility of a run-in with us and the birth family. Booo!! That will be hard, but I'm sure we'll survive.
I also asked about the sex of the baby. That is unknown. The birthmom doesn't want to know that at this time.
That's the status so far. I think I'm going to try and get a good night's sleep. I haven't slept well since Friday!! Seriously, am I dreaming...someone pinch me!
Oct 30, 2011
We're Official!
I can't believe I am actually typing these words after 7 years of trying to have a baby and waiting for over a year in the adoption arena. Jesse and I have been officially chosen to be the adoptive parents for a birthmom from Grand Rapids. We are still in shock and can't believe it's true!
I got the call Friday morning. I saw I had missed a call from our adoption worker and just assumed that we had forgot to sign some paperwork when she came over the previous Monday to update our stuff. But about a half hour later, I received another call from a 248 area code. (That's the area code our agency is in.) So, I began to think something was up. So, I checked my voicemail sitting at my u-shaped table with a student who was going to read to me. As I sat there listening, this is a summary of what i heard, "Hi, Michelle, it's Dawn. I'm calling because the birth-family in Grand Rapids has looked over your things and homestudy and wants to officially name you and Jesse as the adoptive family they choose..." I told little Haley I'd be right back and ran to my friends room next door.
As I was running to Heather's room, Darlene (my aide who helps out every day) came in to see if everything was okay. I sent her in to hold down the fort and I'd be there in a minute. I ran into Heather's room and screamed, "They chose us! They Chose us!" I sat there and cried in her arms as I tried to listen to the message Dawn had left. I had no idea what she was saying and I was bawling my eyes out.
When I came back into my room after a few minutes, Darlene had learned what had happened and was asking for details, so was my other friend, Cindy. The kids were supposed to be reading to someone, but I think they were trying their best to hear what I was saying. I feel bad because I lied to my kids and told them that I got great news about my friend having a baby and then I got something in my eye. I was nowhere near ready to share it with them!
So I found out that the birthmom is 34 and has been struggling with drug addiction for a long time. She has admitted to doing drugs until about 3 months into her pregnancy. So, obviously that is a little bit of a concern. We were told our next step would be to meet them in Grand Rapids, but after talking to Dawn, our adoption worker, again, she said that Theresa (birthmom) doesn't want to meet us. She said she was instantly drawn to our profile book and knows we are who she wants, but if she meets us, she will pick us apart and find faults with us. So, she doesn't want to meet us. She also wishes to have a closed adoption. This is pretty shocking, as we've been preparing for an open adoption for a long time.
Mark says he can't deal with the baby and deal with Theresa's addiction. This kind of saddens me, but I know that we will be very open and hopefully eventually they will want some sort of contact.
We don't have details about the sex or anything other than what I already told you. Oh, I don't know if I mentioned this...She's due December 8th! So, we've got about 39 days...Just about 5 1/2 weeks! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! God is good!
I got the call Friday morning. I saw I had missed a call from our adoption worker and just assumed that we had forgot to sign some paperwork when she came over the previous Monday to update our stuff. But about a half hour later, I received another call from a 248 area code. (That's the area code our agency is in.) So, I began to think something was up. So, I checked my voicemail sitting at my u-shaped table with a student who was going to read to me. As I sat there listening, this is a summary of what i heard, "Hi, Michelle, it's Dawn. I'm calling because the birth-family in Grand Rapids has looked over your things and homestudy and wants to officially name you and Jesse as the adoptive family they choose..." I told little Haley I'd be right back and ran to my friends room next door.
As I was running to Heather's room, Darlene (my aide who helps out every day) came in to see if everything was okay. I sent her in to hold down the fort and I'd be there in a minute. I ran into Heather's room and screamed, "They chose us! They Chose us!" I sat there and cried in her arms as I tried to listen to the message Dawn had left. I had no idea what she was saying and I was bawling my eyes out.
When I came back into my room after a few minutes, Darlene had learned what had happened and was asking for details, so was my other friend, Cindy. The kids were supposed to be reading to someone, but I think they were trying their best to hear what I was saying. I feel bad because I lied to my kids and told them that I got great news about my friend having a baby and then I got something in my eye. I was nowhere near ready to share it with them!
So I found out that the birthmom is 34 and has been struggling with drug addiction for a long time. She has admitted to doing drugs until about 3 months into her pregnancy. So, obviously that is a little bit of a concern. We were told our next step would be to meet them in Grand Rapids, but after talking to Dawn, our adoption worker, again, she said that Theresa (birthmom) doesn't want to meet us. She said she was instantly drawn to our profile book and knows we are who she wants, but if she meets us, she will pick us apart and find faults with us. So, she doesn't want to meet us. She also wishes to have a closed adoption. This is pretty shocking, as we've been preparing for an open adoption for a long time.
Mark says he can't deal with the baby and deal with Theresa's addiction. This kind of saddens me, but I know that we will be very open and hopefully eventually they will want some sort of contact.
We don't have details about the sex or anything other than what I already told you. Oh, I don't know if I mentioned this...She's due December 8th! So, we've got about 39 days...Just about 5 1/2 weeks! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! God is good!
Oct 24, 2011
Heaven Gained An Angel Yesterday
It's with a heavy, heavy heart that I write this post. In June 2010, our small group leader's mother was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. It looked dismal at that time, but they took her to specialists and naturalists and we prayed our rear ends off for Trish. As a result, we were blessed with another 16 months with dear, Trish.
I found out on Saturday that when she was given the diagnosis in June, it was stage 4. Stage 4 and she lived as long as she did.
This woman was amazing. It was so neat to watch her journey with God during her battle with cancer. Her faith became so great and she was at peace with her cancer and her outcome. In June of 2011, when we were baptized, Trish was baptized along with us. This woman had the biggest smile imaginable and had the biggest heart.
It was sad to see her in pain because of the cancer. In August, the cancer hit her hard. She had to have surgery and due to the pancreas and other organs shutting down, she turned a yellowish-green color, but her spirit was always bright and sunny, despite how she looked physically.
I was fortunate enough to see her one last time on Wednesday and wish I would've known it would've been the last time I saw her. I have no regrets, but I would've hugged her a little longer or simply told her I loved her!
What breaks my heart the most is our friend's kids. Trish was a daily person in their lives and they are, obviously, broken-hearted. They loved Trish more than words can describe. I pray that God is with them and they can deal with the loss of their loving grandma. Trish loved those kids more than life itself, and it radiated off of her every time she was around them.
I know Trish is heaven right now, happy and healthy and all of us who knew her and loved her have an angel looking down. I know one day we will all see her and she will greet us with her beautiful smile with her arms open wide welcoming us home. But, life's not going to be the same here without her. She was loved by all who met her and faith story with God through all of this inspired me.
She wasn't afraid of death, she didn't want to die and she gave it all she had, but she knew that dying was going home. That she would finally be at peace, with no pain and wrapped in the loving arms of Jesus.
Trish, I will always love you and your presence in my life has made me a better person. You will be missed by all, but mostly by your grandchildren. I pray that Jacob, Caleb, Callie and Luke will be able to deal with the pain of loosing you in a healthy way. I pray that God will give us, the adults in their lives, the wisdom to know how to deal with this with them to make this as easy for them as possible. I am sad you are no longer with us, but I have a joy that can't be explained because our prayers were answered- you are no longer in pain and you are home with Jesus. Thank you for all you have done for everyone whose life you touched. I love you and can't wait to see you in heaven.
Love you always,
Michelle
Oct 11, 2011
My Back-Up Plan
For awhile now, I've been contemplating what I can possibly do with an education degree. It's not that I don't LOVE my job...I DO! It's just I don't know how long I will be able to be an educator based on all the garbage that educators have to deal with. Especially in Michigan. Politicians are going after teachers and making things harder to do our job.
I'm not even talking insurance or pay-rates. I'm talking the standardized tests, merit pay, pitting teachers against each other and not allowing us to work together...things like that.
I think I've mentioned on here before about writing a children's book and I've been doing more writing. I will finish my stories and begin sending them in to publishers this year. But, come on, that's not something I can count on.
But, I've got it!! I've got it!!! When Jesse and I went to the gym last week, we picked up the magazine that they have there. That's when it hit me. What am I most passionate about? Kids and nutrition/exercise. I said to Jesse, we should look into opening an Anytime Fitness and I should look into getting certification to be a trainer. Then I can work with people to help them become healthier. I can also hold exercise classes for kids.
I think Jesse thought I was just blowing smoke, but it's been over a week and I can't stop thinking about this idea. I think this would be an AWESOME thing for Jesse and I to do together. It would allow me more freedom when we do start our family and it would be something that makes me happy and I'm extremely passionate about...
I don't know. I think I'm on to something!!
I'm not even talking insurance or pay-rates. I'm talking the standardized tests, merit pay, pitting teachers against each other and not allowing us to work together...things like that.
I think I've mentioned on here before about writing a children's book and I've been doing more writing. I will finish my stories and begin sending them in to publishers this year. But, come on, that's not something I can count on.
But, I've got it!! I've got it!!! When Jesse and I went to the gym last week, we picked up the magazine that they have there. That's when it hit me. What am I most passionate about? Kids and nutrition/exercise. I said to Jesse, we should look into opening an Anytime Fitness and I should look into getting certification to be a trainer. Then I can work with people to help them become healthier. I can also hold exercise classes for kids.
I think Jesse thought I was just blowing smoke, but it's been over a week and I can't stop thinking about this idea. I think this would be an AWESOME thing for Jesse and I to do together. It would allow me more freedom when we do start our family and it would be something that makes me happy and I'm extremely passionate about...
I don't know. I think I'm on to something!!
Sep 24, 2011
Doing Better
Well, I made it! I wouldn't say the birthday was a "success," but I made it. Jesse was so supportive, it was great.
Last Saturday we had a birthday party for our friend's 2 daughters. It was pretty hard to get through. We were the only ones there without children. I was shocked because I didn't know a couple friend (more of a friend of a friend) had a baby. It was just tough. After that, Jesse and I went to a comedy show together. We did our best to just have a good time together and forget that we are childless.
My actual birthday was okay. It's amazing how many birthday wishes you get from people on fb. It really made me feel good. My work friends helped me get through it. Later that evening we went to my favorite restaurant with my dad and Jesse's sisters. Everyone is coming over tomorrow for dinner and to celebrate it together.
I'm just really hoping this is the last birthday I feel so down in the dumps...it's no fun!!
Last Saturday we had a birthday party for our friend's 2 daughters. It was pretty hard to get through. We were the only ones there without children. I was shocked because I didn't know a couple friend (more of a friend of a friend) had a baby. It was just tough. After that, Jesse and I went to a comedy show together. We did our best to just have a good time together and forget that we are childless.
My actual birthday was okay. It's amazing how many birthday wishes you get from people on fb. It really made me feel good. My work friends helped me get through it. Later that evening we went to my favorite restaurant with my dad and Jesse's sisters. Everyone is coming over tomorrow for dinner and to celebrate it together.
I'm just really hoping this is the last birthday I feel so down in the dumps...it's no fun!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)